THE 4 REASONS PEOPLE TALK

Today in this brief article, I want to discuss the four reasons people talk.  The four reasons you talk.  I want this article to “open your eyes” so-to-speak as to what’s often going on around you, even when you’re unaware.

The 4 Reasons People Talk:

1. To Impress

Just listen to yourself and others the next time you’re on a personal phone call.  Why are you saying what you’re saying, and why is the other person saying what they’re saying, it’s often to impress.  My daughter made straight A’s, I’ve lost 20 pounds, I’m the Senior Vice President of such and such company.  I just got back from Hawaii.  We talk to impress.  Take a look at your Facebook “news feed,” if you’re in doubt.

2. To Inform

We have a meeting tomorrow at 9:00am.  I need you to pick the kids up at 7:00pm.  Don’t forget to pick up the cleaners.  My dog is dying!

Talking to inform is probably the most common form of communication.  We have a need to be informed and to inform.  The next time you have a conversation try to determine if what you’re saying is primarily to impress, or to inform.

3. To Connect With …..

How was your day?  Do you want to meet for lunch?   What are your dreams?   The deepest form of communication is when you communicate to connect.  Notice how these examples are questions.  Real communication is not selfish; it’s a two-way street in which you are generally concerned with how the other person is doing. 

Real communications involves giving, and from that giving you receive the benefit of connecting with others on a much deeper and personal level.  Labor to increase the level of intimate communication in your life.

4. To Disconnect From

Let me get back with you on that.  Don’t call me, I’ll call you.  Maybe next time…

The final form of communication is speaking to disconnect from.  Try to notice when someone is attempting to disengage, so you know how to respond accordingly. 

…On that note, I have to go.

HOW TO CREATE YOUR OWN UNIQUE STYLE & LIFESTYLE

Method 1 of 3: Personality

·   A personality cannot be changed. Just improved. A unique person needs a unique personality, so be unique. Be talkative and friendly but, on the other side, be lonely and nostalgic. Always show your true emotions but don't reveal everything about yourself to others. This will make you look mysterious and different from everyone else.

·       When you talk with people don't discuss common issues. Ask them their opinion on the afterlife or art. Also, listen to them and try to advice them, giving them strange but, hopefully, correct advice.

·         You don't have to go to places where all people go. Visit street markets alone and look for antiques and funky things that will make your lifestyle look crazy and lovable. Also, visit galleries, go to the theatre and to funky, strange neighborhoods (example: if you live in London, go to Camden town).

·     Don't be afraid to act childish and do things that everyone wants to do but is afraid of. Spend time with your family and friends, go to the library if you want, go to a museum if you want, go to a playground if you want. Do whatever you want to. People will think you are interesting and straight-forward.

·         Spend time with your friends.

 

·         Write music, poetry or design clothes. Every each one of these activities is unique and funky and other people will want to learn more about it.

Method 2 of 3 Fashion

·         Don't worry about designer stuff. Buy whatever you like and don't be afraid to mix and match pieces.

·       Have a unique style. You can buy your clothes from funky places or street markets. Develop your own style and never follow the trends.

·         You can fabricate or change some old clothes the way you want to if you got talent for fashion designing and sewing. Wear them. Others will love them!!

·         Wear Converse. You can paint them in a strange way or mix and match them. That's funky!!

·         You can take ideas by copying Agyness's Dean unique style. Or, create yours.

·         Get a sewing machine and make some stuff.

Method 3 of 3: Attitude

o   Be an extrovert but an introvert, too.

o   Don't try to be popular. If someone bullies you act like you don't care at all.

o   Be random and crazy yet know when to tone it down.

WHY SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE ARE DOUCHEBAGS

You’ll hear time and time again in any industry where people will accuse a successful person of being a “douchebag” when they meet them. While this is not the case for everyone, there does seem to be a trend where a certain celebrity, entrepreneur, or executive has rubbed someone the wrong way when they meet for the first time. While it’s easy to dismiss all other thoughts and simply label these people as “douchebags,” there are reasons to everything. Here are five:-

1. You caught them at the wrong time

When meeting someone of high-stature, they are most likely constantly facing challenges and are bombarded with problems to solve everyday. To make it short- successful people are usually busy as hell. With that being said, you have no clue what has been going on in his/her day, sometimes it’s simply just not a good time for them to interact with anyone, especially someone they’ve just met. While this doesn’t give them an excuse to be rude, they deserve some slack with the amount of crap they deal with all the time- and it’s a lot.

 

2. You’re rude and inconsiderate

As human beings, I feel that we tend to focus on judging others actions before we judge our own. Someone may react negatively to you and offend you, but have you ever stopped to think what you might have done to warrant such a response? Kanye West is known to be rude and hostile towards paparazzi, but in many instances, these people are bothering him at 4 am outside his house or when he’s on a personal lunch. If someone were to try and network with you during clearly awful times like this, would you react positively? Yeah, didn’t think so. Think before you act. The more you focus on being considerate of others, the better everyone will react to you.

3. Your aim is to purely to get something from them and it shows

The upside to success is all the financial and personal bonuses that come with it- the downside is that you’ll slowly find more and more people trying to get something out of you. This is normal as once you reach the top of the mountain, the ones on the bottom want a hand up. Most successful people I’ve met have slowly developed a filter when they meet people for the first time; they can smell an opportunist a mile away. Instead, focus on what you can provide for them first, it will put you ahead of the gazillion other people who approach them for help. In the words of Venture Capitalist Brad Feld:

“Give before you get. If you follow that principle, you will build a great network. Make sure you are providing real value to the people you are trying to meet and network with.”

4. They’re simply tired of people

Let’s face it, successful people are talking to someone everyday, whether it’s meetings, running a company, getting pitched business ideas, shooting with a crew all day, etc. Sometimes they are simply burned out and aren’t in the mood to meet new people. The Playboy King of Instagram Dan Bilzerian pretty much sums up this point:

“…I’m kind of a no new friends type of guy you know? So everybody’s here like they’re trying to get something and everybody’s got a f*cking business idea so I don’t really listen to that shit. I’m not trying to filter through any of that stuff anymore. I do business with people I know and I kind of leave it at that. I don’t know, after you reach a certain point, everybody is trying to pitch you their idea… You just gotta shut it all off so I don’t even pay attention to those people.”

5. You’re not on the same level

Simply put: Successful people like to hang out with other people who are successful. After all, “you are the average of the five people you hang out with” and you sure as hell would want to keep that average high. While this does indeed make things more “transactional,” it’s the harsh reality that you’ll have to face. As you become more successful, your time also becomes more valuable, so you’ll have to be careful of how you allocate your time. This doesn’t mean successful people are bad, you can’t base a person’s character on a simple interaction with you. To refer back to point one, you have no idea what this person does on his free time to give back; don’t be mad if you just so happen to NOT be the recipient.

6. You’re asking for too much

If you do somehow get someone to budge and help you out in some way, just be grateful and accept what you get. But seriously, don’t ask for anymore than that. While this seems like common sense, you’d be surprise the amount of people out there who ask for a small favor, and that favor slowly grows into something bigger. This will definitely turn the other person off and you’ll potentially be left with nothing.

So the next time you get the chance to rub elbows with an industry leader, celebrity, or executive, be mindful of the points above. The key is to always think about the other person’s needs first, not yours. Remember this or else risk being like everyone else left with nothing where you justify it by labeling others who are actually doing great things as “douchebags.”

7 WAYS TO BE A MORE CHARISMATIC AND GENERALLY

We all know that person who can command a conversation, or talk you into doing just about anything, the kind of person people love to be around and the kind of person people love to hire. The question is: How do you become that kind of person? There really isn’t a specific formula, but here are seven ways to be a more charismatic person that may guide you on the path to being a little more likable:-

1. Be an amazing listener (a.k.a. stop talking so much)

No one likes someone who doesn’t shut up, especially when all they seem to talk about is their self. A charismatic person knows to be particularly engaging with people by keeping eye contact, asking questions and showing that they are actually interested in what’s being said.

Only speak when you have something important to say or have some good insight into their issue. Since being present is such a rare quality these days, put away your damn phone. There are no life-threatening emergencies happening on Twitter or Instagram (looking at pictures of your friend’s lunch can wait).

2. Lose the ego

Acting self-important and pretentious will not attract the kind of genuine people you want in your life, and it will surely turn off anyone who is successful and worth knowing. Those who are truly socially successful and charismatic never speak about all the stuff they have or all of the amazing things that they’re doing – their reputation will speak for itself. Being humble is a very powerful quality that screams confidence and charisma, and it’s a shame that so few people realize this.

3. Acknowledge that you can learn something from everyone

Every single person you meet can teach you something that you don’t know. Whether it be the maintenance man or the senior exec in your office, treat everyone with the same respect.

Acting above anyone is a quick way to come off like a douche bag; while praising others shows that you’re humble enough to value every person you meet, despite their status. This is especially true when dealing with wait staff or customer service reps – being rude to anyone working to serve you is a fast way to lose all hopes of being considered an amazing person. That is a fact.

4. Positive is your natural state

Charismatic people know how to look at things in a positive light, and they’re able to spread their good attitude and enthusiasm to others. Being positive can easily be confused with being confident – and this is a good thing. It shows that you can handle any situation, so there’s no need to be all down and pouty or to overdramatize things.

Oh, and try smiling a little more. Not only will it help to trick your brain into thinking you’re actually happy, but you’ll appear a little more approachable (which never hurts).

5. Don’t talk shit, and more importantly, defend others

It’s human nature to try and connect with others using gossip, but someone with good character doesn’t talk about people behind their backs and definitely never spreads gossip. More importantly, when they hear this kind of thing going on, they politely change the subject or defend the person who isn’t there to defend their self. People take notice of this behavior, and you become a clearly trustworthy and respectful person in their mind. Not only that, but you define yourself as a leader, not a follower who needs to talk about others to establish rapport with other.

6. Be a good story teller

Charismatic people tell great stories that are funny, interesting and keep people’s attention. We all have that funny story that we know gets a good reaction – if it’s something embarrassing about yourself, that’s even better.

If it’s something embarrassing about someone else, skip it. When you’re able to tell a great story that either teaches others something new or makes them laugh, you not only automatically seem more likable, but it’s also key in making a positive impression that will be memorable to others.

7. Watch your wording

Be mindful to speak with conviction. Saying “we should do this” is much more powerful than “I think” or “maybe.” Get into the habit of owning your opinions and being confident in your decisions. These are more important than you think in exuding confidence and leadership, and it’s a habit to be mindful of since we tend to like others who have their sh*t together and know how to make a decision.

Using these tips may not turn you into someone with Obama-level charisma, but having people like you a little more can be helpful in pretty much all areas of life. Remember, the only person stopping you from becoming that charismatic, successful and generally more amazing person is you!