TIPS TO INCREASE YOUR SELF CONFIDENCE

Self-confidence is an important key to success in any walk of life. People with self-confidence are noticed more. They achieve their goals relatively easily. In contrast, people who lack self-confidence often end up being losers. You too need to build your self-confidence if you want to do well in life. Here are ten tips that can help you build that elusive self-confidence:

1. Self-confidence is found in people who have a healthy self-esteem. They know their personal worth, and act accordingly. A good way to improve your personal worth is to make a list of your accomplishments every day. You will be surprised to know how many positive acts you perform every day in life, but which you don’t notice. Once you start looking at this list, your self-confidence will boom.

2. Be clear about your goals. If need be, break your goals into smaller, more manageable tasks. Pat yourself every time you achieve a minor goal. It will boost you’re a self-confidence, and help you achieve bigger goals.

3. Find a mentor who can help you reach your goal. Most people, who have done well in life, have a mentor who has traveled the same road on which they are traveling today. Meet your mentor regularly, and seek his advice and support as a routine. You will find that you are learning something valuable every day.

4. Socialize with people who are positive and supportive, who like and respect you. Give them the same support and respect that they give you. Avoid people who are negative and critical of you. Such people erode your self-confidence. They make you look at your negative self, and not your positive self. After some time, you get enveloped in their cynical and negative world-view. Nothing can be more damaging than that. Dump such friends as soon as you can.

5. Pay attention to how you look. Take pleasure in wearing good clothes and being well groomed. It makes you feel good. People too look at you differently. Remember that every human being wants to be found in the company of smart, intelligent, successful people. You can soon be a centre of attraction if you radiate a positive, smart look. It can very easily make the difference between success and failure.

6. Don’t be afraid of failures. Take them in your stride and move on. Say to yourself that you will succeed the next time. Never make the mistake of allowing your failures to overwhelm you. They will force you into a shell, and destroy your self-confidence. A better way is to shrug your failures as something inconsequential, and take on a new challenge. Of course, you must learn from your mistakes, and be realistic about your abilities. People who try to over-reach often fall down. You should not allow that to happen in the name of self-confidence.

 

7. Keep yourself fit by exercising regularly and controlling your diet. A fit and healthy person is much more active and achieves more in his career. Physical fitness, like self-confidence, glows on your face.

8. Have a wide range of interests, and take an active interest in what’s going on in the world. Meet and talk to a lot of people. Don’t focus all your attention only on your work and on your problems. Divert your attention to new interests, and new tasks. This will keep your mind happily occupied, and boost your self-confidence.

9. Take part in activities that you are good at. You may have excelled at things in the past and then given them up due to lack of time. Return to those activities again and see your self-confidence grow.

10. Pick up a new hobby or craft that interests you. It will keep you occupied. It will also increase your self-confidence as you become more skilled in it.

Try to practice these tips as faithfully as you can, and see the difference in your life.

THE REALITY OF FAITH

Many people think faith is acting like something is so when it really isn't so, and if we do that long enough, then it will become so. But that's not it at all. Faith is real. 

By Andrew Wommeck.

Hebrews 11:1 says,

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."

Faith is substance. This is saying that faith is real. It is the evidence of things not seen. Notice it didn't say "things that don't exist." They do exist. They just aren't seen. 

Even in the natural world, we've come to realize that there are things that do exist that we can't see. We can't see television signals, but they do exist. In fact, wherever you are right now, there are television signals right there with you. If you say "No there aren't" just because you can't see or hear them, that doesn't mean they don't exist. It just means you aren't very smart. They do exist, they are just unseen. They are unseen realities.

A television set can make unseen signals visible. When we see the images is not when they became real. They were already there. A television set doesn't generate images. The set just receives the signal and converts it into sights and sounds that we can perceive. But the television signals were already there, before we tuned them in.

Probably every person reading this letter has watched television when suddenly the picture went blank. What did you do? I bet you didn't call the television station and complain about them stopping their broadcast. The first thing you did was check and see if everything was working on your television set. Was the electricity on? Was it plugged in? Did a tube go out or did some circuit melt? You checked your receiver to see what was wrong with it. You trust that the station broadcasts 24/7. You don't question that until you eliminate all the possible problems with your set.

Likewise, God is real and does exist. He just can't be seen. He is broadcasting all His power and blessings 24/7. It's never God's transmitter that is broken. It's always our receiver that is the problem. If we ask God for something and we don't see it manifest instantly, most people question why God hasn't answered that prayer yet. They assume that because they haven't seen or heard anything, nothing has happened. That's all wrong. We need to have more faith in God than we have in a television station.

There is a very good illustration of this truth in 2 Kings 6. Elisha, the prophet of God, was revealing the Syrian's battle plans to the king of Israel. Every time the king of Syria tried to ambush the king of Israel, Elisha would warn the king of Israel, and he would ambush the Syrian's ambush. This happened so often that the king of Syria finally asked his servants to reveal who the traitor was. He knew that the king of Israel could not be maneuvering like he was without inside information.

When one of the king of Syria's servants said that Elisha, the prophet of God, was revealing the words that the king of Syria said in his bed chamber to the king of Israel, the king of Syria sent his armies to capture Elisha.

Second Kings 6:15 says,

"And when the servant of the man of God was risen early, and gone forth, behold, an host compassed the city both with horses and chariots. And his servant said unto him, Alas, my master! how shall we do?"

When Elisha's servant saw the Syrian troops, he panicked. He knew why they were there. They had discovered Elisha was the one telling the king of Syria's battle plans to the king of Israel. They were in big trouble. Look at the response of Elisha to this situation in 2 Kings 6:16: "And he answered, Fear not: for they that be with us are more than they that be with them.".

People who don't believe anything exists beyond their five senses would say Elisha was lying. He was confessing something was so when it really wasn't so, hoping that it would become so. But that's not the way it was at all. Elisha spoke the truth. There were more with him than was with the Syrian army. It's just that Elisha's forces were in the unseen reality.

The key to understanding this is to recognize there is another realm of reality beyond this physical world. Those who are limited to only their five senses will always struggle with this. They think Elisha was lying, and indeed, he would have been lying if all that exists is this physical world. You could count the Syrian troops by the thousands, and there was only Elisha and his servant. But Elisha wasn't lying because there was another world of reality. If you looked at the whole picture, the physical and spiritual world, then Elisha was right on. In the spiritual realm, there were many more horses and chariots of fire around Elisha than there were Syrian troops. 

According to 2 Kings 6:17,

"Elisha prayed, and said, LORD, I pray thee, open his eyes, that he may see. And he LORD opened the eyes of the young man; and he saw: and, behold, the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire round about Elisha."

Gehazi's physical eyes were already wide open. God was opening his spiritual eyes. He was able to see with his heart into the spiritual world. And when the spiritual world was taken into consideration, then Elisha's statement was perfectly true. 

Those who see faith as an attempt to make something real which isn't real will always struggle with those who see faith as simply making what is spiritually true a physical truth. Those who limit truth to only the physical realm would have called Elisha one of those "name it, claim it," "blab it, grab it" cultists. But in saying such things, they condemn themselves. They show they only consider what they can see, taste, hear, smell, and feel to be reality. They are what the Bible calls "carnal."

When Gehazi's eyes were opened, the Syrians didn't disappear. They were still there. The physical truth was still true, but there was a greater spiritual truth that emerged. True faith doesn't deny physical truth; it just refuses to let physical truth dominate spiritual truth. True faith subdues physical truth to the reality of spiritual truth.

Because Elisha believed in the realities of the spiritual world, he raised his hand and smote all the Syrians with blindness. Then he led the whole Syrian army captive to the king of Israel. Praise the Lord! That's not bad for an old prophet whom carnal people would say was all by himself.

Elisha was not just speaking some wishful statement, hoping that it would become a reality. He knew what was real in the spiritual world, and he controlled his emotions and actions accordingly. There is no indication that Elisha saw the horses and chariots of fire around him. He didn't need to. He believed it. Those who operate in true faith don't need to see with their physical eyes. Their faith is evidence enough.

There was a woman at a campmeeting who had a huge goiter on her neck. She went forward for prayer and knew that she knew she was healed. So, she got up in front of the audience and gave a testimony of her goiter being healed. However, the goiter was still visible. But the people praised God, thinking that the healing would manifest itself shortly. 

The next year at the same campmeeting, the woman got up again and praised the Lord for her healing, but there still wasn't any visible proof. This concerned a lot of people, but they didn't say anything. Then the next year, the same thing happened. This was too much for most of the people, and it caused the leaders of the meeting to approach this woman and tell her she couldn't testify of this healing again until the goiter was gone. 

The woman told the Lord that she knew He had healed her, and she didn't have to see visible results to believe it. But for the sake of the unbelievers, she asked the Lord to physically remove the growth. It disappeared and the woman showed them what she already knew was true. You can get that strong in faith. Your faith is substance and all the evidence you need. Faith is real.

I've experienced this in my own life. When my youngest son, Peter, died on March 4, 2001, my wife and I spoke our faith and said, "The first report is not the last report." We spoke resurrection life back into Peter's body, and then we headed into town. It was one hour and fifteen minutes from the time we got the call until we got to where Peter was. During that time, I was operating in faith. I remembered prophecies that had not yet come to pass in Peter's life, and therefore, I knew it wasn't time for Peter to die. I rejoiced by faith, seeing Peter alive and well. 

My oldest son, Joshua, met me at the door and said, "Dad, five or ten minutes after I called you, Peter just sat up." Thank You, Jesus! This is the point: I didn't rejoice more once I saw Peter raised from the dead than I did while I was still driving. During the drive, I knew Peter was alive, and I was rejoicing with all my might. It was actually anticlimactic when I saw in the physical what I had already seen in the spiritual. Don't get me wrong; I was blessed and I rejoiced to see my son raised up after being dead for five hours. But the physical reality wasn't more real to me than the spiritual reality of faith. 

This is the way I live. I know it's not "normal," but I'm not getting "normal" results either. I've been believing big, and there have been big results from that believing. When we moved into our new offices, and when we see the warehouse finished, that was, and will be, anticlimactic. I'm seeing all these things in the spirit now. When they manifest physically, others will be impressed, but I'm impressed now.

I'm not believing for something that isn't real to become real. I've seen into the spiritual realm by faith, and I'm simply making what I've seen in the spiritual world manifest in the physical world. All of the things I'm seeing with my physical eyes now, I have already seen in my heart. I saw it on the inside before I saw it on the outside. This is a wonderful way to live. This is the normal Christian life. This is walking by faith and not by sight (2 Cor. 5:7).

DEALING WITH NEGATIVE PEOPLE

Discover ways to stay calm when critical people cross your path.

 Encounters with negative people can be emotionally draining and stressful. This is especially true when you are generally a positive and productive person but have to interact with fitness colleagues, family members or friends who bring you down. Understanding how to deal with people and why their behavior causes disruption in your life can help you develop better strategies for interacting with them. 

Understanding Human Behavior

Negative people can find something wrong in any situation. They are expert complainers, cynics, tyrants, worriers and/or victims. Unfortunately, negative people may not be concerned with the effect their behavior has on others; they simply want to get rid of their own uncomfortable feelings in the fastest way possible. A quick look at basic human behavior will help you understand why some people seem so negative. 

Everything we do and say in our lives is shaped by our particular life experience. We learn from a very early age that certain behaviors produce certain results. For example, if we are hungry and we cry, someone will give us food. If we throw a tantrum, someone will pay attention to us and ask what is wrong. If we throw a big enough tantrum, people will leave us alone. These learned behaviors stay with us throughout our lives. 

As adults we are expected to repress our feelings of discomfort (or stress) and behave in a more civilized manner. However, expressing ourselves in a more socially acceptable way takes advanced communication skills, and sometimes we haven’t developed them. Consequently, when we experience stress, we may not act or react in an appropriate manner. 

Typical Ways People React When Stressed

When faced with a situation that causes them stress, many people react in unproductive or negative ways. Here are some of the most common responses:

1. People turn into “know-it-all dictators” who boss others around and think no one else can do    things as well as they can. (“Forget it—let me do it—you’ll only screw it up!”). 

2. They take on a helpless role (“I never do anything right”) or simply withdraw from the situation (“Okay, whatever.”). 

3. They behave in a rebellious or defiant way (“No way! You can’t tell me what to do!”). 

4. They respond with insensitivity, sarcasm or inappropriate humor (“Hallelujah—you finally got off your butt to help out.”). 

Sometimes people react to a stressful event in a combination of these ways. It all depends on what behaviors make people feel more comfortable at the time. Negative responses help them protect their egos and their sense of control with regard to the situation.

Here is an example. Tina’s fitness director finds out last minute that a big budget deadline has been pushed forward by 2 weeks. He approaches Tina while she is calling a client and yells at her to quit chatting with her stupid friends all day and get to work. Stunned and hurt, Tina snaps back at her boss with a sarcastic remark and thinks to herself that she will get to “his budget information” when she is good and ready. 

In this situation, both Tina and her boss reacted to the stressful situation with their automatic, ego-protective responses. The boss raised his voice and personally insulted Tina. Tina countered by expressing contempt and withdrawing from the situation. Now Tina thinks her boss is a selfish jerk and he thinks she is insubordinate. The reality is that neither Tina nor her boss is either. Both of them just experienced and expressed feelings of stress in an unproductive and inappropriate way. 

It isn’t always obvious that people are only reacting to stress, particularly when they tend to express themselves by whining, complaining or criticizing in the absence of any identifiable stressor. For example, Cheryl’s friend Abbie is constantly complaining that nothing ever goes right for her. Cheryl listens to Abbie and tries to comfort and reassure her that she actually has a lot of good things in her life. Abbie continues to complain. Frustrated and tired, Cheryl begins to mock what Abbie is saying, and they get into an argument and stop speaking. 

Abbie’s complaining is actually a communication strategy she employs to protect her from what she fears most: that important things in her life will not continue to “go right.” She uses a negative form of communicating (i.e., complaining) to cope with the stress of potential future disappointment. When Cheryl feels her supportive approach isn’t effective, she becomes agitated and stressed and resorts to using negative communication tactics to end the conversation. 

Strategies for Dealing with Negative People

So what can you do when faced with someone who really gets under your skin? Take a close look at how you react. For example, watch what you do when someone rubs you the wrong way. Chances are you react (out loud or to yourself) in one of the ways described above. Developing an awareness of how you deal with negative people and situations helps you better deal with what you can control—yourself. 

When you become aware of how you typically react to stressful situations, two things happen. First, your awareness provides you with an opportunity to choose a different way to behave. Second, it enables you to maintain objectivity in the presence of stress. It helps you remember that other people’s negativity is not personal to you or to your situation. It is simply the way they express themselves when they feel insecure or uncomfortable. 

Creating and maintaining awareness of your own behavior and choosing to act in a different manner (i.e., not using your automatic ego-protective responses) can prevent an encounter with a negative person from escalating. It might not stop the person you are talking to from being negative, but it will provide you with control over your response to the situation. Your choice not to communicate in an unproductive way removes the likelihood that you will be replaying the conversation in your head for days or thinking of all the zingers you wish you’d said! 

Misery Loves Company

Some people seem to thrive on making themselves or others miserable. Nothing you do or say can change that fact. After employing various productive communication strategies with a person like this and finding that nothing seems to work, ending your relationship might be the best thing you can do. 

This approach may not seem like an option, particularly if the person is your boss, a co-worker or a client. However, there is usually a solution to dealing with negative people. You might request a department transfer or a change in schedule to minimize your contact. If you find the person unbearable to be around even for a short time, you may want to think about joining another company or changing jobs. 

Turn That  Frown Upside Down

Dealing with negative people is difficult. Talking, working and even sitting by them can be very stressful, even when you try not to get involved with them. Therefore, it is important to develop ways to destress after an encounter with a negative person. Try to find ways to release stress and diffuse your negative energy rather than perpetuate it. Here are some strategies for dealing with negative people:

• Take a brisk walk or work out at the gym.
• Write down your feelings in a journal.
• Take some deep breaths and let go of the stress.
• Keep a funny cartoon or photo in your desk or bag and pull it out to give yourself a laugh. Research has proven that the simple act of smiling and laughing (even if you fake it at first!) reduces stress, lowers cortisol levels and stimulates the immune system (Berk et al. 1988; Berk et al. 2001; Marci, Moran & Orr 2004).

However you choose to destress, make sure you do it in a positive way. Negative emotions and behaviors only produce or amplify stress.

THE TOP 10 QUALITIES OF A GOOD TEACHER

One of my biggest goals is to become a teacher. In fact, it’s part of my personal mission statement: “My mission is to experience life through…teaching others.” I don’t want to be a run-of-the-mill boring teacher, though. Not like the “substitute teachers” of my school days. But what makes a good teacher?

We all know good teachers when we see them, and bad teachers too. I thought back over the teachers I’d loved and why I loved them. There were only a few, but they all had the following qualities in common.

1. Confidence

 Belief in ourselves despite setbacks. Teachers encounter situations all the time that could be considered setbacks. Kids can be cruel, to each other and to teachers. They can have attitudes, especially teenagers. I’ve had teachers to were obviously nervous when they taught. Others were shy and only half committed to their subject. But the best teachers laughed off their mistakes: chalk breaking, books dropped, TVs not working. Where some teachers were flustered, the good teachers shrugged and went on about the lesson, sometimes even joking about the mess up. These teachers knew they were human and knew mistakes happen. They didn’t take things personally and let problems get them upset.

 

2. Patience

Some of my best teachers could have helped students through a mental breakdown. Not that they had to, but that they were so patient, they could have gone the distance. Many a time I, or classmate, would just not be “getting” a particular concept. My best teachers were those who were willing to keep explaining, knowing that eventually it would make sense. They were willing to wait until a distraction calmed students down, or abandon a lesson entirely if it was clear material needed to be revisited. The best teachers just stuck with it, willing to do what it took, no matter how long it took.

3. True compassion for their students

I’m sure we’ve all encountered a bad teacher who didn’t care what our excuse was. Certainly, some excuses weren’t valid, but many were. The best teachers cared about their students as individuals and wanted to help them. They had a sixth sense when a student needed extra attention and gave it gladly. They didn’t expect students to leave thoughts of the outside world at the door to the classroom. They took the time to discuss subjects outside their teaching, knowing that sometimes lessons can still be taught without following the textbook. Good teachers were willing to speak up for us to other teachers, if need be. They cared about us beyond the walls of their class.

4. Understanding

Good teachers had understanding – not only the sixth sense mentioned above, but true understanding of how to teach. They didn’t have a rigid technique that they insisted on using even if it didn’t help us learn. They were flexible in their teaching style, adapting daily if need be. They understood the little things that affected our ability to learn; the weather, the temperature in the classroom, the time of day. They had an understanding of human nature and the maturity (or lack thereof) of teenagers. Good teachers knew that we hated to be called “young” and therefore pre-judged. They treated us as real people, not just “students.”

5. The ability to look at life in a different way and to explain a topic in a

     different way

There are many different learning styles. Not everyone gets a subject as taught by every teacher. I’ve taken subjects (chemistry for instance) many times, at many different levels, by many different teachers. I took College Organic Chemistry three times from three different teachers. I can tell you from experience that it was more the skill of the third teacher than the third time taking the class that allowed me to pass. Bad teachers only look a subject matter one way. They teach based on how they learn. This works for some people, but fails for others. The good teachers are ones that are able to teach to different learning styles. If students don’t understand a subject, they teach it a different way. Instead of looking at abstract formulas, they explain with images what the formulas represent. This requires a through understand of their subject, as well as the ability to consider that subject in different ways, which not all teachers are able to do. This principle applies whether a teacher or professor teaches Organic Chemistry or business classes online; it comes down to their ability to be flexible.

6. Dedication to excellence

Good teachers want the best from their students and themselves. They don’t settle for poor grades, knowing it reflects upon their ability to teach just as much upon a student’s ability to excel. The best teachers encourage the sharing of ideas and offer incentives (like not having to do homework for a day) to get students to think outside the box. They don’t tolerate students’ badmouthing other teachers, doing their best to point out that other teachers are human too. They encourage students to be good people, not just good memorizers of text. They want students to learn and be able to apply what they learned, not just be able to pass tests.

 

7. Unwavering support

 The best teachers know that everyone is able to do well if they have the right teacher. They don’t accept that a student is a lost cause. They encourage if you are frustrated and provide true belief that you can get the material. They stand up for individuals against other students, not allowing for in class taunting. Sometimes, they even extend this outside the classroom, although taunts in the hallways are very hard for teachers to combat. The best teachers are there if you need extra help and even encourage it.

8. Willingness to help student achieve

The best teachers are those that don’t stop teaching when the bell rings. They hold extra sessions for SAT prep, they reach out to students after class. They know that some need extra attention or assistance, and they don’t act like it’s not their job. They take that job seriously and know they aren’t just employed to get students to be able to do higher math, but do well in life. They realize that achievement isn’t just a good grade on a test, but a feeling of accomplishment with mastering a subject; they are willing to work with a student for that feeling.

9. Pride in student’s accomplishments

The best teachers let you know they are glad you got a good grade or made the honor’s society. They smile and tell you that you did a good job. They tell other teachers about how you did as well. Outside you may feel embarrassed, but inside you are glowing. The best teachers don’t single out the best students either. They celebrate the accomplishments of everyone, knowing that everyone is capable to doing well. They are upbeat and positive, focusing on how a student did well, not how well they taught. They may know that it was the strength of their teaching that helped a student to achieve, but they act as if the student is completely responsible.

10. Passion for life

The best teachers aren’t just interested in their subject, they are passionate about it. They are also passionate about many other things. They praise good weather and smile when they take a few minutes to discuss last night’s episode of a popular TV show. They have an energy that almost makes them glow and that you want to emulate as much as possible. They approach tasks with a sense of challenge rather than routine. They take the universe’s curve balls and turn them into fun (if possible). They are human, certainly, but they make you feel that there is always a reason to keep going. Things will get better no matter how much they appear to suck at that moment.

 As may be clear from the above, the best teacher I ever had was a math teacher. She was all the more exceptional because math is the one subject I hate the most. She told us to call her “Aunt Jackie,” but I had way too much respect to call her anything but “Mrs. Lamp.” She is now a principal of a different High School than she taught at when I was her student, and I suspect she is as good a principal as she was a math teacher.