For
most people it is always very hard to deal with divorce. No one enters a
marriage believing that it will end some day, however almost 50 per cent of all
marriages do end in divorce. Feelings, such an anger, sadness, depression,
helplessness, loneliness, and guilt are common for divorcing people.
When
everything in a life has been turned upside down, figuring out how to handle divorce
is one of the tougher things that one can possibly encounter. It does not only
mean that people have to deal with the end of a relationship, but they also
have to figure out how to share and split everything, who will have to move
out, and many other unpleasant things.
Divorce
is a type of loss for many people, and a tough transition. It takes a lot of
time and energy to adjust or heal. Particularly, during the first year after
divorce, people usually have a hard time re-establishing their lifestyle as
singles again. They may feel hopeless and try to isolate themselves from other
people. Some feel shame thinking that they will be criticized and judged by
others, some feel abandoned and miserable, blaming self or other part for
causing the divorce. Yet, there are some things that a person can try to do in
order to make the process of divorce and recovery go as smooth as it possibly
can.
First
of all, after a divorce, it is important to take oneself together and take
charge of your own life. Never see yourself as a victim. Recognize that it is a
person himself who is responsible for his own fate. Yes, life circumstances
might be painful, and sometimes it is really almost impossible to see things in
an optimistic way, but it is still up to you only how you will go forward. It
is up to you only to establish whether you will learn from your life failures,
or whether you will be broken by them.
Another
important thing to do in dealing with a divorce is to never put yourself down,
let bygones be bygones, just understand that whatever was done will never be
undone. While moving forward, you need to stop comparing yourself to others.
Try to focus on the things that you can do, even the minor ones. Remember that
every new day is one more day that you are further in the healing process, and
another sign that you are learning how to handle the divorce.
Planning
for the future is also one of the most important components of the recovery
process. Having something to do, or a plan in mind is necessary for you to keep
moving on. As long as you calm down, make up your mind, set your goal and try
your best to overcome all the hardships, you will be in significantly better
position to succeed. There might be financial problems or problems in making
decisions about what to do. Finding resources and support from others is
helpful to set your plan and eliminate some barriers.
Surround
yourself with things that make you feel comfortable, as well as with some new
ones that have nothing to do with your past married life. Get out of the house
from time to time. Isolation only leads deeper into depression. Spend more time
with friends and try to keep your life at ease. Look for activities that you
may enjoy and participate in them on a regular basis.
Do
not forget to laugh. It is helpful to be around people with good sense of humor
which will make you laugh and, therefore, forget at least for some time about
all the difficulties in your life. Try to look at your life in a positive way,
rather than whining and crying over something that has to be considered as
past. Also, stay as active as possible by keeping a regular exercise routine.
Nothing helps our emotions bounce back better than physical activity. It will
help in relieving tense, anger and anxiety.
If
you have children, don't use them as leverage in a divorce struggle between you
and your ex. The split affects them, but it should not involve them. Make sure
that you are being a good parent by taking care of your children, and by make
sure that your children understand that, no matter what happens, you love them
and have their best interests at heart.
Avoid
destructive activities, such as alcohol or drugs, when trying to deal with your
problem. Don't allow your problems and feelings to cause you to seek revenge,
or play the victim. If you are stressed, hurt or angry, it is best to find a
safe shoulder to vent to and get those feelings out.
When
you are living through a highly stressful situation no hasty decisions or
changes to your life should be made until you have thought of all the following
consequences. Take time to think things through and thoroughly weigh all your
options. And what is most important, do not blame anyone, forgive yourself and
your spouse and don't let the issues from this marriage follow you into new life
and new relationships. The road to a complete recovery after divorce is a long
one, however, by dealing with your divorce, you may finally find yourself in a
much better place.
The
above are just some suggestions, however, everyone has their own different ways
to handle a divorce. Adjusting to divorce is a process that takes time, so
allow yourself time to heal and remember to focus on one day at a time. Only
you are the one who knows which best fits your needs.
Share this
EmoticonEmoticon