EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE (EQ) KEY SKILLS FOR RAISING EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

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What is emotional intelligence?
Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the ability to identify, use, understand, and manage emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges, and defuse conflict. Emotional intelligence impacts many different aspects of your daily life, such as the way you behave and the way you interact with others.

If you have high emotional intelligence you are able to recognize your own emotional state and the emotional states of others, and engage with people in a way that draws them to you. You can use this understanding of emotions to relate better to other people, form healthier relationships, achieve greater success at work, and lead a more fulfilling life.

Emotional intelligence consists of four attributes:
Self-awareness – You recognize your own emotions and how they affect your thoughts and behavior, know your strengths and weaknesses, and have self-confidence.

Self-management – You’re able to control impulsive feelings and behaviors, manage your emotions in healthy ways, take initiative, follow through on commitments, and adapt to changing circumstances.

Social awareness – You can understand the emotions, needs, and concerns of other people, pick up on emotional cues, feel comfortable socially, and recognize the power dynamics in a group or organization.

Relationship management – You know how to develop and maintain good relationships, communicate clearly, inspire and influence others, work well in a team, and manage conflict.
Why is emotional intelligence (EQ) so important?
As we know, it’s not the smartest people that are the most successful or the most fulfilled in life. You probably know people who are academically brilliant and yet are socially inept and unsuccessful at work or in their personal relationships. Intellectual intelligence (IQ) isn’t enough on its own to be successful in life. Yes, your IQ can help you get into college, but it’s your EQ that will help you manage the stress and emotions when facing your final exams.

Emotional intelligence affects:
Your performance at work. Emotional intelligence can help you navigate the social complexities of the workplace, lead and motivate others, and excel in your career. In fact, when it comes to gauging job candidates, many companies now view emotional intelligence as being as important as technical ability and require EQ testing before hiring.

Your physical health. If you’re unable to manage your stress levels, it can lead to serious health problems. Uncontrolled stress can raise blood pressure, suppress the immune system, increase the risk of heart attack and stroke, contribute to infertility, and speed up the aging process. The first step to improving emotional intelligence is to learn how to relieve stress.

Your mental health. Uncontrolled stress can also impact your mental health, making you vulnerable to anxiety and depression. If you are unable to understand and manage your emotions, you’ll also be open to mood swings, while an inability to form strong relationships can leave you feeling lonely and isolated.

Your relationships. By understanding your emotions and how to control them, you’re better able to express how you feel and understand how others are feeling. This allows you to communicate more effectively and forge stronger relationships, both at work and in your personal life.
How to raise your emotional intelligence
All information to the brain comes through our senses, and when this information is overwhelmingly stressful or emotional, instinct will take over and our ability to act will be limited to the flight, fight, or freeze response. Therefore, to have access to the wide range of choices and the ability to make good decisions, we need to be able to bring our emotions into balance at will.
Memory is also strongly linked to emotion. By learning to stay connected to the emotional part of your brain as well as the rational, you’ll not only expand your range of choices when it comes to responding to a new event, but you’ll also factor emotional memory into your decision-making process. This will help prevent you from continually repeating earlier mistakes.
To improve your emotional intelligence—and your decision-making abilities—you need to understand and manage your emotions. This is accomplished by developing key skills for controlling and managing overwhelming stress and becoming an effective communicator.
  
Developing emotional intelligence through a few key skills:
Emotional intelligence (EQ) is built by reducing stress, remaining focused, and staying connected to yourself and others. You can do this by learning key skills. The first two skills are essential for controlling and managing overwhelming stress and the last three skills greatly improve communication. Each skill builds on the lessons learned in practicing the earlier skills and include:

The ability to quickly reduce stress in the moment in a variety of settings
The ability to recognize your emotions and keep them from overwhelming you

The ability to connect emotionally with others by using nonverbal communication

The ability to use humor and play to stay connected in challenging situations

The ability to resolve conflicts positively and with confidence.

How to learn the key skills that build emotional intelligence
The key skills of emotional intelligence can be learned by anyone, at any time. There is a difference, however, between learning about emotional intelligence and applying that knowledge to your life. Just because you know you should do something doesn’t mean you will—especially when you become overwhelmed by stress, which can hijack your best intentions.

In order to permanently change behavior in ways that stand up under pressure, you need to learn how to overcome stress in the moment and stress in your relationships by remaining emotionally aware. This means that you can’t simply read about emotional intelligence in order to master it. You have to experience and practice the skills in your everyday life.
  

HOW TO STAY CALM – OR KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON!!!

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We’ve all been in situations where all eyes are on us and we’re under severe pressure. You might have felt like an action hero(ine)…which wire should you cut? Which door should you open? Of course most situations aren’t life or death or nearly as dramatic as this – although we often make everyday crises out to be worse than they really are. Here are a few tips on how to stay calm and keep your composure in everyday situations and even the more monumental events like important interviews and family emergencies.

The following tips will give you more control over the situation. And when you can’t control the situation, you will at least have full control over yourself) and you will increase your self-confidence so that future stressful situations will be easier to handle.

1. Meditate. Keep your cool when the pressure mounts by using the many self-improvement skills learned in meditation:
a quiet mind is able to focus on the solution instead of the problem
mastery of your thoughts, words and actions leads to better decision-making and problem-solving.

A daily meditation practice will help you remove many of the causes of stress. How? Did you know that stress is a choice that you make, even if it’s usually unconscious? In other words, you are making a choice to allow a situation to stress you out!
Meditation teaches you to identify and remove the thoughts that cause stress, and choose thoughts based on a positive outcome; it helps you see things from a different perspective; it helps you control your words and actions… and create a calm, centered mental environment that is less easily swayed by outside events.
Take care of your stress and you'll be calmer.

2. Identify the real cause of your stress. It might not be the immediate event but an underlying worry that has you unfocused and therefore vulnerable to negative surprises. For example, if you’re lost in thought about a relationship problem and you are cut off by someone in traffic, you might think that it’s traffic that is causing stress. Awareness of what’s going on in your head will help you deal with the underlying issues so you aren’t already on edge when the unexpected happens.

3. Choose your response. Using the self-mastery skills you acquire in meditation, it’s easier to take a step back, evaluate the situation and respond instead of react. You always have a choice in how you respond and in how you allow something to affect you emotionally.

Ultimately, the choice comes down to this: you are either allowing something/someone to exert power over you by making you stressed, OR you take back your power and choose a response that feels good to you, based on how you will feel afterward. Does yelling and rudely gesturing at the idiot driver going to make you feel better – or will you feel better if you send him/her a silent blessing instead? These acts of grace, or taking the high road, will help you stay calm.
Choosing your response means looking at the big picture too. If it’s your wedding day and it’s pouring rain, you may be disappointed – but does the rain have to RUIN the wedding? Of course not. You can choose to see the rain as a sign of future blessings of abundance and you can choose to create a more intimate atmosphere by bringing everyone indoors…

The choice you make to feel good and make the best of a situation begins in exactly the same place as the choice you make to feel stressed and upset: in your imagination.

What’s to stop you from imagining a happy scenario over an unhappy one? Choice!

4. Take action. Nothing calms a stressful mind faster than action. If you have time, make a plan. If you have to act immediately, just do it. Dive in and let the action be your focus.

5. Prepare. If your stress is due to lack of preparation (such as college exams, performances, etc.) then save yourself a lot of grief and do your homework and background work. Plan ahead and prepare yourself as best you can.
Action creates focus and calm.

6. Breathe it out. Exhale your problems and worries and inhale solutions and happier scenarios. This is a good exercise to do while meditating to your favorite Omharmonics track, and you can use it in the stressful situation itself. Inhale what you want, exhale what you don’t want.

7. Visualize. Imagination is incredibly powerful – it will either cause you to see the worst, or see the best. But who controls your imagination? You do! Learn to be solution-oriented rather than problem-oriented and your whole outlook will change.

8. Use your fight-or-flight instinct to your benefit. Get some exercise. Go for a walk or a run. Get that nervous energy out of your system. Getting away from your stress gives you a chance to regroup and put things into perspective. If you have to deal with the situation immediately then put that adrenaline to constructive use by taking immediate action that is rational and solution-oriented, not reactionary.

9. Don’t take things so seriously. Treat everything as a learning experience. When you were a kid, everything was new and unknown and you approached life from a perspective of eagerness and enthusiasm. Don’t let adult responsibilities drag you down into the muck of seriousness and being too grown-up. Smile more, play more, and have fun with life. It’s not as serious as you make it out to be.
Tune in to calm people around you.

10. Tune in to calm people around you. Are they ALL panicking, or is there one who remains calm and serene? Tune into that person. If he or she isn’t freaking out, why should you?

11. Focus on helping others. People report finding remarkable and unknown stores of courage and calm when they take the leadership role and put all of their focus on helping others. You just don’t have time to be afraid or stressed when you’re helping someone else.

Keeping calm in a stressful situation means developing mental and emotional self-control and choosing a better response. It all starts with meditation!



SIX STEPS TO FORGIVE SOMEONE WHO HURT YOU

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If you’re a living, breathing human being, chances are you’ve been hurt at some point in your life. Maybe someone broke your heart, crushed your dreams, or led you down the wrong path. Even worse, you might have experienced a brutal tragedy, like rape, war, or abuse.

Regardless of what hurt you, a single fact remains: If you carry resentment in your heart, you are continuing the cycle.

When I was seven years old, my parents separated. I remember coming home from school to find my mom crying in the kitchen. My aunt told me that my dad wasn’t coming home. Ever. At first, I saw my dad on the odd weekend. But soon, his presence faded into the background, and before I knew it, we hadn’t spoken in almost twenty years.

My mom remarried, but my stepfather brought demons from his past into our relationship. He’d been shot in the face at the age of twenty-two—a wound that left him completely blind. At times, he was downright mean to me, calling me names and criticizing everything I did—from the way I walked to the way I closed the kitchen cupboards.

The hurt and betrayal that I felt toward male authority figures provided the perfect backdrop for my teen angst, which morphed into several years of early adulthood drama. I carried my hurt around like a badge of honor—often using it to excuse my behavior. As a teen, I yelled at my mom and stepfather, was brought home (drunk) by the police, and ran away from home. As a young adult, my desperation for male approval led me into a string of dysfunctional relationships. By carrying hurt in my heart, I ended up breaking other people’s hearts, too.

By age twenty, my self-esteem was in the tank. And in a last ditch attempt to bury my feelings, I ended up on antidepressants.

I found comfort in my hurt. It gave me a label. A reason for my erratic behavior.

“Look at everything I’ve been through!” My badge of hurt and hatred screamed.

I was one of those girls. You know, the ones with “daddy issues.”

I spent six years in therapy, telling my daddy stories over and over again. I popped Paxil every day, hoping the issues would disappear.

But they didn’t.

After a lot of self-reflection and personal work, I realized that what was done was done. I couldn’t change the past. But I could change my future. My years spent in therapy, coupled with my work with mentors like Gabrielle Bernstein, made me realize that nothing was going to change until I forgave the men in my life. This was a long and difficult process—a process that I’m still going through today. It didn’t happen overnight, but even the tiniest shift toward forgiveness has brought miraculous results.

Here are a few things that helped me forgive:

1. Find inspiration in others’ forgiveness

Ironically, my stepfather provided me with the perfect example of the power of forgiveness. After being shot, my stepdad forgave the man who left him permanently blind. He literally hugged his shooter and told him he forgave him. This taught me from a very young age that forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person; it’s a gift that you give yourself because it sets you free from things like resentment and anger. I realized that if other people could find it in their hearts to forgive such horrendous things, then surely I could find forgiveness in my heart, too.

2. Try to see all sides of the story

Often, we think that by having compassion for someone, we are excusing his/her behavior. This isn’t true. Compassion provides us with a lens that helps us understand—not excuse—people’s actions. Over time, I started to have compassion for my father and stepfather. Both men had had less than ideal childhoods themselves. They were doing the best they could with what they had. This doesn’t mean that what they did was right, but it helped soften my heart toward them and facilitate the forgiveness process.

3. Get help

If you’ve been through something difficult, it’s crucial that you process and experience your emotions, instead of pushing them down. Start seeing a therapist. If you don’t like your therapist, try a new one. I’ve been to all sorts of counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists, and everything in between. Each person helped me in a unique way and led me to where I am today.
  
4. Cut the cord

Feelings of resentment and hurt often cause us to create negative energetic ties (or cords) with others. Gabby Bernstein offers a fantastic cord cutting meditation that can help you release these negative energetic attachments.

5. Let go of blame

At one point or another, we all need to take responsibility for our own behavior.

As J.K. Rowling once said: “There is an expiry date on blaming your parents for steering you in the wrong direction; the moment you are old enough to take the wheel, responsibility lies with you.”

6. Push past the fear

My stepfather passed away over five years ago. Two weeks before he died, I had a chance to visit him to talk about some lingering issues between us. But I was too scared. After he died, I felt an immense amount of guilt about not sharing my feelings with him. I promised myself that I would never make the same mistake again. So, when my biological father contacted me a few years later to say that he wanted to pay me a visit, I agreed, even though I was scared. We’ve now visited a few times, and my forgiveness has lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. In fact, a few weeks ago, I met up with my dad and my half sister for coffee. 

The moral of my story is that forgiveness can create miracles. It might not happen overnight, but when you commit to forgiving others, you free up a ton of energy that you can put to better use. I realize that this process might be extremely difficult, especially if you’ve been through an unthinkable tragedy. But it is possible to forgive the unthinkable. Just take it one step at a time.

Remember that forgiveness is a process, not a finite event. Let go of your badge, label, and story. The past doesn’t define you, and the future is waiting with open arms.

5 TRICKS THAT WILL MAKE PEOPLE RESPECT YOU MORE

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Earning others’ respect is an involved process that can take some time for you to accomplish. By following these simple tips, it can help you earn the respect of your peers.

1. Don’t let emotions get the best of you

To earn respect, you must be willing to remain calm and collected regardless of the situation. If you lose your cool and allow emotions to take over, it will be much more difficult for others to view you in a positive light. Instead, follow these characteristics of an outgoing person:

You shouldn’t react emotionally during an argument. A respected person knows to keep their cool when others cannot. While another person may raise their voice to place emphasis on a point or to accuse you of something, you respond in a calm manner. When you do so, you can defuse the intense situation and earn the respect of others.
You should also remain calm in tense situations. For example, say your work environment is stressful. Given this environment, it would be easy for you to lose your cool. However, by maintaining a level head, speaking in a calm voice and not allowing emotion to take over, you show command over the situation. This will attract others to you because they see leadership qualities in you.

2. Show that you are a leader

People will listen and follow others whom they respect. With this in mind, by showing natural leadership tendencies, it will make it easy for you to earn the respect of others. Here are some great leadership qualities to have:

You possess great communication skills. This means you have the innate ability to speak to others on a wide variety of topics. Further, you are able to engage the listener with your words. To accomplish this, you should refrain from telling dirty jokes, using poor language such as cuss words or yelling. Instead, you are warm, friendly and speak with knowledge on the conversation topic. Furthermore, leaders don’t speak uncertainty by using words such as “uh”. They also don’t try to end silences with filler material. They are confident no matter what the situation entails.

Leaders also take pride in their appearance. While you don’t have to blow through yours or your parent’s bank account to do this, it’s important to dress the part. Make sure your clothes are clean, your hairstyle is at least somewhat current and be sure to practice proper hygiene. This means cleaning your nails, trimming facial hair and making sure your teeth are clean. You cannot expect others to respect you if you don’t show them you care about your appearance.

Another trait leaders share is in their body language. To be a good leader, you walk with an upright posture, establish confident eye contact with those you speak to and maintain a steady voice throughout the conversation. By doing this, you attract others with your personality and confidence. Conversely, if you speak quietly with your shoulders huddled and you look down at your shoes, people will perceive you as shy. It is much harder for people to express confidence in you if you don’t have confidence in yourself.

Overall, leaders exhibit these skills naturally. This means they don’t try to act confident they just are. Now, this may take years of experience to master for you. It did for me. However, when I started taking the time to speak to others and practice these communication skills, I was amazed at how much confidence I gained. It also had an effect on those around me, as I noticed they would ask for my feedback on certain topics. Even if you have to take baby steps to improve your communication skills such as watching yourself in the mirror while speaking or recording a conversation, it’s a good first step towards gaining confidence.

3. You are a problem solver

One of the best ways to earn the respect of your peers is to master the art of problem solving. Here is a guide to help you with this:

When a problem occurs, you don’t react emotionally to it. For example, say you are on a trip with a group of coworkers and you try to check into a hotel and they don’t have your reservations. Certainly, this would be a frustrating problem to encounter, but in this case you don’t complain about the problem. Instead you tackle it.
You address the problem head on. In this example, show the attendant your work’s travel itinerary if applicable. Another solution could be to call whoever made the arrangements to see what they can do. The goal here is to find action steps to solve your problems instead of complaining to the attendant about it.
Along with solving the problem, you are diplomatic in your responses. Even if the attendant is rude or unhelpful, you take the high road. You treat them with respect and you work together to find a solution. By doing this, you show your coworkers you are in control of the situation, which can earn their respect.


4. Earn respect by giving it

As you develop confidence, it’s important that you remain humble. There’s nothing more unattractive to others than if you act arrogant. Instead, treat others with kindness even if they won’t do the same for you. When you treat others with respect, some will appreciate the kindness you show and may respond in kind. While you won’t be able to please everyone, by being nice to all you will gain respect from some of your peers.

5. Keep your word

The easiest way to lose respect is to say you’ll do something and don’t follow through on it. If you want respect, you must show that you are dependable. When you commit to meetings or obligations, be sure to follow through on them. When you become someone that others can count on, it is then that you earn their respect.


Ultimately, earning respect means you naturally convey confidence and leadership qualities. You don’t allow emotions to control the situation. Instead, you control it. Further, you are willing to earn respect by being kind to others and be dependable. When you develop these five traits, you will earn the respect of others.

HOW TO PRAY AND SEEK ANSWERS

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As you pray, recognize that Father in Heaven is near and He is listening.

Prayer is a gift of our Father in Heaven to every soul. Prayer is most effective when we strive to be clean and obedient, with worthy motives, and are willing to do what He asks. Humble, trusting prayer brings direction and peace.

Don’t worry about your clumsily expressed feelings. Just talk to your compassionate, understanding Father. You are His precious child whom He loves perfectly and wants to help. As you pray, recognize that Father in Heaven is near and He is listening.

A key to improved prayer is to learn to ask the right questions. Consider changing from asking for the things you want to honestly seeking what He wants for you. Then as you learn His will, pray that you will be led to have the strength to fulfill it.

Pray even when you have no desire to pray. That is when you most need to pray. Never feel you are too unworthy to pray.

Should you ever feel distanced from our Father, it could be for many reasons. Whatever the cause, as you continue to plead for help, He will guide you to do that which will restore your confidence that He is near. Pray even when you have no desire to pray. That is when you most need to pray. Never feel you are too unworthy to pray.

Often when we pray for help with a significant matter, Heavenly Father will give us gentle promptings that require us to think, exercise faith, work, at times struggle, then act. It is a step-by-step process that enables us to discern inspired answers.

His answers will seldom come while you are on your knees praying, even when you may plead for an immediate response. Rather, He will prompt you in quiet moments when the Spirit can most effectively touch your mind and heart. You should find periods of quiet time to recognize when you are being instructed and strengthened. Be thankful that sometimes God lets you struggle for a long time before that answer comes.

It is so hard when sincere prayer about something you desire very much is not answered the way you want. The Savior taught, “Whatsoever ye ask the Father in my name it shall be given unto you, that is expedient for you” (D&C 88:64; emphasis added). At times it is difficult to recognize what is best or expedient for you over time.

You are asked to look for an answer to your prayers. Obey the Master’s counsel to “study it out in your mind” (D&C 9:8). Often you will think of a solution; as you seek confirmation that your answer is right, help will come. It may be through your prayers, or as an impression of the Holy Ghost, and at times by the intervention of others.

An important aspect of prayer is gratitude. When we contemplate the incomparable gift of prayer and the limitless blessings that flow from it, honest appreciation fills our mind and heart to overflowing with thanksgiving.
  

DON’T LET SELF-DOUBT HOLD YOU BACK: 5 WAYS TO BUILD CONFIDENCE AND BANISH DOUBT

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 Do you lie awake at night worrying you’re not really “good enough” to achieve the kind of success you dream of? Ever find yourself hesitating, holding yourself back or avoiding situations at work for fear of being found out as an impostor?  Are you waiting for the day you feel more confident before you make that change, or take that chance in your career, business or life?

If you find yourself plagued by self-doubt, you’re not alone. In fact, one study of managers by the European Institute for Leadership and Management revealed that 50% of female managers and 31% of male managers admitted to experiencing self-doubt. The problem with self-doubt is that the fear it creates stops us from living the lives we most want and changing the things we don’t.  How?  Fear keeps us living small and stuck in jobs that don’t fulfill us but feel safe.  But is there really anything safe about living a life where you feel disengaged, disillusioned or desperate to be doing something else? of course not. The truth is that who you are is not your doubts. The key to banishing them isn’t to wish them away, but to take action in their presence.

It’s easy to mislead ourselves into thinking that if we just had the success we wanted, then we’d never doubt ourselves again and ooze the confidence we see in others.  But it actually works in reverse. We must first start acting with the confidence we aspire to have if we want to build more of it. So what are five ways you can finally make peace with self-doubt and start showing up, shining and succeeding in your work and beyond?

Know your why – Why would you bother to speak up at work, to go and start a new career, or to take on a great big job where there’s more chance of you failing than the one you’re in right now? Why would you risk the humiliation and the possibility of rejection and failure?  As I wrote in Stop Playing Safe, it’s important to be able to give a clear and compelling answer to the question “For the sake of what?” Doing so will help crystallise for you why you need to exit your comfort zone, make changes and take the chances toward the ambitions that excite you. Indeed, knowing our Why is indispensable for over-riding self-doubt as it moves you through fear into action, fueling confidence as you go.

Grow your grit – Associate Professor Angela Duckworth explains that “grit” is the passion and perseverance to stick with your long-term goals.  One way you can cultivate grit is to ensure your goals are personally interesting and meaningful in the world.  As Michelle McQuaid, a positive psychology expert, says, “When you’re able to connect passion with action it gives you a sense of purpose and energy that researchers are finding prevents burnout and promotes resiliency.”  Developing daily habits and rituals that help you stay strong, focused, and resilient is therefore vital to staying the course over the long haul.

Choose your company –  Emotions are contagious and we cannot help but pick up and be affected by the emotions of those around usSelf-doubt expert Louisa Jewell cautions that your social network can either increase or reduce your self-doubt.  If you’re embarking on something new, make sure you’ve got really supportive people around you who are uplifting you and encouraging you to move forward. Likewise, avoid or limit your time with naysayers, cynics and  ’emotional vampires’ that pull you down, feed your doubt and suck the life out of you.  Sometimes you have to ‘prune your tree’ of those who you’ve outgrown.
Cultivate small daily habits to sow long-term changes –   How you do the small things that few may see create the big long term results everyone wants .  Accordingly BJ Fogg at Stanford University has found that by scaling back bigger behaviours into really small actions you can create dramatic shifts that last.  His ‘tiny habits’ formula recommends scaling back change to one very small step; sequencing this step by adding to the end of a habit you already have – “After I (insert existing routine), I will (insert new routine)”; and then celebrate your completion of the step with a heartfelt “Awesome!” to create a jolt of positive emotion that helps the habit stick. Try it.

Set clear boundaries– Setting boundaries and saying no can be awkward, if not outright uncomfortable.  But doing so will enable you to focus your time on those activities that nurture self-confidence, fuel courage and keep those doubting gremlins at bay. Author and productivity coach Valorie Burton recommends taking note of the areas where you currently feel the most frustrated, stressed or overwhelmed  and being honest with yourself about the conversations you need to have.  It may be that you need to ask someone to stop asking so much of you. Or it may be you need to say no to some of the offers, invitations and opportunities that you may previously have taken on.  After all, you can’t build confidence by doing things that neither leverage your strengths nor ‘fill your tank.’

If you’re fed up with self-doubt holding you back join me and other leading global experts for a special free podcast series starting September 29th on the practical strategies you can implement to help you thrive at work. 

6 STEPS TO HEALING YOURSELF

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 Take a moment and check in with yourself. How is your body feeling right in this moment? If you’re generally healthy, check in for subtle symptoms. Is your neck feeling tense? Does your lower back ache? Do you have a headache? Are you exhausted — again? Or perhaps you’re battling a more serious health diagnosis and you’re experiencing symptoms from your health condition.

Whether you’re experiencing the nuisance of a minor physical symptom, the more concerning stress of a serious health condition, or simple curiosity about how you might maximize your vitality and longevity, I’m psyched to share with you something they never taught me in medical school.

The Body Knows How To Heal Itself

Your body is beautifully equipped with natural self-repair mechanisms that are under the influence of thoughts, feelings and beliefs that originate in your mind. It knows how to kill cancer cells, fix broken proteins, slow aging, eliminate toxins, fight infections, get rid of foreign bodies, and otherwise keep you healthy. Things go awry and disease manifests when these self-repair mechanisms fail to function properly.
But here’s the kicker. Your nervous system has two operating systems — the “fight-or-flight” stress response dominated by the sympathetic nervous system and the relaxation response run by the parasympathetic nervous system. Only when your nervous system is in a relaxation response do your body’s self-repair mechanisms function!

The stress response is there to protect you in case a tiger chases you. But these days, we’re pretty safe from tigers, and yet our stress responses get triggered, on average, over 50 times per day. How? The amygdala in your lizard brains perceives negative thoughts, beliefs, and feelings, such as financial fears, relationship worries, work stress, loneliness, or pessimism, as threats equally scary as a tiger. Then BOOM. The scaredy-cat amygdala goes on red alert, and when this happens, our bodies can’t repair themselves. No wonder we get sick!

6 Simple Steps To Activate Your Body’s Self-Repair Mechanisms

You don’t have to be at the mercy of your stress responses. As I teach in my new book Mind Over Medicine: Scientific Proof That You Can Heal Yourself, you can be proactive about activating your body’s natural self-healing. Try these scientifically-proven steps as a health prevention strategy or as treatment for any health condition you might be battling.

Step 1: Believe You Can Heal Yourself
Don’t believe that positive belief can cure the body? Think again! The medical establishment has been proving that the mind can cure the body for over 50 years. We call it “the placebo effect,” and it has been proven to cause resolution of symptoms- and real physiological change — in 18-80% of the patients in clinical trials who are treated with nothing more than sugar pills, saline injections, or fake surgeries.

As long as you believe your condition is “incurable” or “chronic,” it will be. Don’t believe your health condition could possibly resolve? Check out the Spontaneous Remission Project, a compilation of over 3,500 case studies proving that spontaneous remission has been reported for just about every illness out there- Stage 4 cancers, HIV, diabetes, high blood pressure, thyroid disease, autoimmune diseases, even an untreated gunshot wound to the head!

For my skeptical physician mind, reading through all these case studies was a paradigm shift. It’s kind of like the story of the 4-minute mile. Exercise physiologists used to think the body was physiologically incapable of running a mile in less than 4 minutes — and so no athlete ever did it. Then in 1954, Roger Bannister ran a mile in three minutes and fifty-nine seconds. Once that limiting belief was shattered, virtually every athlete that competes in a world-class event has run the mile in under four minutes. Today’s world-record time for the mile is 3:43:15, more than 15 seconds under 4 minutes.

What if your belief that the body can’t heal itself is like the 4-minute mile? For some mind-blowing stories about how positive belief can radically affect your health, watch my TEDx talk Is There Scientific Proof That You Can Heal Yourself?.

Scientific data proves that once you believe healing is possible, it can be. So what do you believe?
Step 2: Find The Right Support
To say that you can heal yourself is sort of a misnomer because the scientific data proves that, equally essential to positive belief is the nurturing care of a true healer, someone optimistic who shares your positive belief, includes you in true partnership, respects your intuition, cares for your wellbeing, and ensures you that you won’t be alone on your self-healing journey.

Do you have the right healers on your health care team?
Step Three: Listen To Your Body & Your Intuition
Nobody knows your body better than you, not even a doctor. We doctors may know the arteries of the leg or the anatomy of your organs better than you, but you know what’s best for your own body better than anyone else. When my literary agent first read Mind Over Medicine, she said, “Lissa, before I read this book, I honestly thought my body was none of my business. Now I know better.”

Yes! Your body is indeed your business. So listen to your intuition and trust what it tells you.
Not in touch with your intuition? Then listen to your body, which is one vehicle your intuition uses to speak to you. If you have a physical sensation in your body — pain, tightness, nausea, clenching, dizziness — ask your body what it is trying to communicate to you. Then listen up! This is the voice of your inner wisdom and it will always lead you directly to your true north.

Step Four: Diagnose The Root Causes Of Your Illness
Your doctor may give you one kind of diagnosis- migraines or irritable bowel syndrome or breast cancer, for example. But the kind of diagnosis I’m talking about gets at the root of what might have triggered stress responses in your body and deactivated your body’s self-healing mechanisms, thereby making your body vulnerable to illness.

What aspects of your life are activating your stress responses? What relaxation response-inducing activities — like meditation, creative expression, laughter, engaging in work you love, massage, yoga, or playing with animals — have you been neglecting?

Illness is often a wake up call, forcing us to get down and dirty with what’s really true in our lives. We can either play the victim or we can use illness as an opportunity to awaken.
If you’re struggling with a physical issue, what might lie at the root of it? For more ideas about what might lie at the root of your illness, check out TEDx talk The Shocking Truth About Your Health.

Step Five: Write The Prescription For Yourself
This won’t be the kind of prescription you fill at a pharmacy, though it certainly may include elements of Western medicine. It’s more of a self-guided action plan intended to make your body ripe for optimal health and full recovery.

So ask yourself, “What does my body need in order to heal?” Your Prescription may include diet changes, an exercise regimen, and a conventional medical treatment plan. But it may also include getting out of a toxic relationship, quitting a soul-sucking job, adding a meditation practice, taking steps to get out of debt, or following a passion.

Be as specific as you can. Then muster up the courage to put your plan into action!

Step Six: Surrender Attachment To Outcomes
What if you’ve adopted a positive attitude, found the right healer, tapped into your intuition and your body, diagnosed the root cause of your health condition, written The Prescription for yourself and put it into action- but you’re still sick? Are you doing something wrong? Is it your fault you’re still sick?

Absolutely not — and any talk of guilt, blame, or shame for someone on a healing journey only activates more stress responses and harms the body.

So what’s the deal? This is where the art of surrender comes in. Some patients do everything “right” and spontaneous remission happens. But others are the proverbial choir- and they’re still sick. Why does this happen? Honestly, I don’t know. The only real answer is a spiritual one. Perhaps our souls come here on this earth to learn lessons, and illness can be a spiritual practice, a way to learn our life lessons and a part of our soul’s destiny.

What I can say is that if you’ve followed the 6 steps, you’ve done everything within your power to make your body ripe for miracles — and the rest is out of your hands. So take a deep breath, trust The Universe, surrender attachment to any particular health outcome, and let any health condition you face be an opportunity for spiritual awakening.

Ready To Heal Yourself?

Are you motivated to put each of these steps into action? Will you do what it takes to reduce stress responses in your body and increase relaxation responses so your body can repair itself?