A little common sense and preemptive action can defuse conflicts before they get out of hand. These tips will help you manage and resolve touchy situations.
One of the most
important skills you can learn and develop is how to deal successfully with
conflict. Successful individuals seem to have an inherent understanding of what
causes conflicts and how to resolve them quickly. For others, however, it’s
much harder.
During my 30 years in
executive suites and boardrooms, I’ve worked with people at all levels, in a
wide swath of industries and across many countries. During those periods, I’ve
learned that the best conflict managers often employ a few common approaches to
prevent or overcome potential issues before they become major obstacles.
Use the following tips
and tactics in your professional as well as your personal life. It could help
you to become one those great “conflict resolution experts” that others may
call on for help.
1: Ask questions
Conflict can arise due
to poor
communication — someone didn’t say what they meant to say or
perhaps misstated what was intended. Before you allow an escalation, ask
questions. It won’t cause any loss of face, and may result in a quick
resolution.
2: Analyze expectations
Often, conflicts
develop as a result of unmet
expectations on one side. If the other party — expected something
they didn’t get or something that didn’t happen, the whole conversation can
become negative and closed. If a conversation seems to be getting rocky, take a
step back and review together with the other person to try to uncover what just
occurred.
3: Recognize differing perspectives
Keep in mind that
conflict may arise due to people having different
perceptions. You, or the other person, saw things differently. This
happens most frequently when one is dealing with someone from another
organization, background, or culture. It’s easy to believe that we all see
things the same way and then get derailed unexpectedly.
4. Identify mistakes
Honest and unintended
mistakes
frequently result in conflict. Before you let temperatures rise, do a reality
check of your understanding with the other person(s). Mistakes, even small
ones, can erode one’s credibility — someone made a mistake.
5: Watch out for emotional triggers
Beware of emotions. Fear of someone or
somebody, loss of face, whether real or perceived, anger, and surprisingly even
excitement can all result in unintended conflict, which may cause your
interaction to go downhill.
6: Focus on preventing escalation
Conflict resolutions
always start with one or both parties making an
honest attempt at avoiding further escalation. This recognition,
even if only by one of those involved, often causes a more objective review to
occur.
7: Take action to control the situation
Escalation-avoidance
tactics may involve one of more key steps including separating the parties,
changing the location of the discussion, signaling empathy to the other
involved.
8: Commit to working it out
Take charge of the
process
by committing to reach a resolution. A powerful impact occurs when one person
makes this statement. It can turn down the temperature immediately.
9: De-escalate the conflict
De-escalation is next:
This can be accomplished with a joint statement of the facts at hand, always
eliminating exaggerations, embellishments or personalities, which may
inadvertently apply judgments and re-created the cycle of escalation.
10: Stay calm
Cooler heads prevail in
even the most difficult conflicts. Whether you’re in a business or personal
situation, you can take control of it by keeping cool. And when you’re
maintaining your calm, it will be easier for others involved to get back to the
task at hand.
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