Harker School Commencement
I've been blogging for
a whole ten days now, and all my topics have been business stuff: venture
capital, entrepreneurship, entrepreneurship, evangelism, etc. Now I want to
throw you a total curve ball.
By Harker
About fourteen
years ago my wife and I separated for a time. As part of my search for what the
hell was going on in our lives, I looked for a book about people's hindsights
in life--what they did right, what they did wrong, and what their advice would
be.
To my
surprise, I could find no such book. So, like a fool, I decided to write the
book. After all, how hard could it be to turn on a record their hindsights ala
Studs Terkel?
Let me tell
you, it was hard. Very hard. Every step of the process was hard: figuring out
who to interview, getting the interviews, doing the interviews, and editing the
interviews. It was much harder than writing a book where you just sit there and
make things up. :-)
I also wrote a
speech based on the book, and I have given it six times at commencements,
graduations and baccalaureates: Palo Alto High (three times), DeAnza College,
High Tech High, and Harker School. Giving these speeches brought me some of the
greatest moments of joy in my life. And, unlike the Kurt Vonnegut
hoax, these were for real.
Yesterday at Macworld Expo someone came up to me and told me how much the speech meant to his family. Memories of these speeches and the book came flooding back, so today's blog is the full text of my Hindsights speech.
Nota bene: read and
forward this at your own risk because hindsight #10 has cost parents thousands
of dollars!
Hindsights
Speaking to you today
marks a milestone in my life. I am fifty years old. Thirty-two or years ago,
when I was in your seat, I never, ever thought I would be fifty years old.
The
implications of being your speaker frightens me. For one thing, when a fifty
year old geezer spoke at my baccalaureate ceremony, he was about the last
person I'd believe. I have no intention of giving you the boring speech that
you are dreading. This speech will be short, sweet, and not boring.
I
am going to talk about hindsights today. Hindsights that I've accumulated in
the thirty-two years from where you are to where I am. Don't blindly believe
me. Don't take what I say as “truth.” Just listen. Perhaps my experience can
help you out a tiny bit.
I
will present them ala David Letterman. Yes, fifty year old people can still
stay up past 11:00 pm.
#10:
Live off your parents as long as possible.
I was a diligent
Oriental in high school and college. I took college-level classes and earned
college-level credits. I rushed through college in 3 1/2 years. I never
traveled or took time off because I thought it wouldn't prepare me for work and
it would delay my graduation.
Frankly,
I blew it.
You
are going to work the rest of your lives, so don't be in a rush to start.
Stretch out your college education. Now is the time to suck life into your
lungs-before you have a mortgage, kids, and car payments.
Take
whole semesters off to travel overseas. Take jobs and internships that pay less
money or no money. Investigate your passions on your parent's nickel. Or dime.
Or quarter. Or dollar. Your goal should be to extend college to at least six
years.
Delay,
as long as possible, the inevitable entry into the workplace and a lifetime of
servitude to bozos who know less than you do, but who make more money. Your
parents and grand parents worked very hard to get you and your family to this
point. Do not deprive them of the pleasure of supporting you.
#9
Pursue joy, not happiness.
This is probably the
hardest lesson of all to learn. It probably seems to you that the goal in life
is to be “happy.” Oh, you maybe have to sacrifice and study and work hard, but,
by and large, happiness should be predictable.
Nice
house. Nice car. Nice material things.
Take
my word for it, happiness is temporary and fleeting. Joy, by contrast, is
unpredictable. It comes from pursuing interests and passions that do not
obviously result in happiness.
Pursuing
joy, not happiness will translate into one thing over the next few years for
you: Study what you love. This may also not be popular with parents. When I
went to college, I was “marketing driven.” It's also an Oriental thing.
I
looked at what fields had the greatest job opportunities and prepared myself
for them. This was stupid. There are so many ways to make a living in the
world, it doesn't matter that you've taken all the “right” courses. I don't
think one person on the original Macintosh team had a classic “computer science”
degree.
You
parents have a responsibility in this area. Don't force your kids to follow in
your footsteps or to live your dreams. My father was a senator in Hawaii. His
dream was to be a lawyer, but he only had a high school education. He wanted me
to be a lawyer.
For
him, I went to law school. For me, I quit after two weeks. I view this a
terrific validation of my inherent intelligence. And when I quit, neither of my
parents were angry. They loved me all just the same.
#8:
Challenge the known and embrace the unknown.
One of the biggest
mistakes you can make in life is to accept the known and resist the unknown.
You should, in fact, do exactly the opposite: challenge the known and embrace
the unknown.
Let
me tell you a short story about ice. In the late 1800s there was a thriving ice
industry in the Northeast. Companies would cut blocks of ice from frozen lakes
and ponds and sell them around the world. The largest single shipment was 200
tons that was shipped to India. 100 tons got there unmelted, but this was
enough to make a profit.
These
ice harvesters, however, were put out of business by companies that invented
mechanical ice makers. It was no longer necessary to cut and ship ice because
companies could make it in any city during any season.
These
ice makers, however, were put out of business by refrigerator companies. If it
was convenient to make ice at a manufacturing plant, imagine how much better it
was to make ice and create cold storage in everyone's home.
You
would think that the ice harvesters would see the advantages of ice making and
adopt this technology. However, all they could think about was the known:
better saws, better storage, better transportation.
Then
you would think that the ice makers would see the advantages of refrigerators
and adopt this technology. The truth is that the ice harvesters couldn't
embrace the unknown and jump their curve to the next curve.
#7:
Learn to speak a foreign language, play a musical instrument, and play
non-contact sports.
Learn a foreign
language. I studied Latin in high school because I thought it would help me
increase my vocabulary. It did, but trust me when I tell you it's very
difficult to have a conversation in Latin today other than at the Vatican. And
despite all my efforts, the Pope has yet to call for my advice. Latin has
proven to be very valuable, but a “live” language would be nice too.
Learn
to play a musical instrument. My only connection to music today is that I was
named after Guy Lombardo. Trust me: it's better than being named after Guy's
brother, Carmen. Playing a musical instrument could be with me now and stay
with me forever. Instead, I have to buy CDs at Tower.
I
played football. I loved football. Football is macho. I was a middle
linebacker--arguably, one of the most macho position in a macho game. But you
should also learn to play a sport like hockey, basketball, or tennis. That is,
a sport you can play when you're over the hill.
It
will be as difficult when you're 50 to get twenty-two guys together in a
stadium to play football as it is to have a conversation in Latin, but all the
people who wore cute, white tennis outfits can still play tennis. And all the
macho football players are sitting around watching television and drinking
beer.
#6:
Continue to learn
Learning is a process
not an event. I thought learning would be over when I got my degree. It's not
true. You should never stop learning. Indeed, it gets easier to learn once
you're out of school because it's easier to see the relevance of why you need
to learn.
You're
learning in a structured, dedicated environment right now. On your parents'
nickel. But don't confuse school and learning. You can go to school and not
learn a thing. You can also learn a tremendous amount without school.
#5:
Learn to like yourself or change yourself until you can like yourself
I know a forty year old
woman who was a drug addict. She is a mother of three. She traced the start of
her drug addiction to smoking dope in high school.
I'm
not going to lecture you about not taking drugs. Hey, I smoked dope in high
school. Unlike Bill Clinton, I inhaled. Also unlike Bill Clinton, I exhaled.
This
woman told me that she started taking drugs because she hated herself when she
was sober. She did not like drugs so much as much as she hated herself. Drugs
were not the cause though she thought they were the solution.
She
turned her life around only after she realized that she was in a downward
spiral. Fix your problem. Fix your life. Then you won't need to take drugs.
Drugs are neither the solution nor the problem.
Frankly,
smoking, drugs, alcohol--and using an IBM PC--are signs of stupidity. End of
discussion.
#4:
Don't get married too soon
I got married when I
was thirty two. That's about the right age. Until you're about that age, you
may not know who you are. You also may not know who you're marrying.
I
don't know one person who got married too late. I know many people who got
married too young. If you do decide to get married, just keep in mind that you
need to accept the person for what he or she is right now.
#3:
Play to win and win to play
Playing to win is one
of the finest things you can do. It enables you to fulfill your potential. It
enables you to improve the world and, conveniently, develop high expectations
for everyone else too.
And
what if you lose? Just make sure you lose while trying something grand. Avinash
Dixit, an economics professor at Princeton, and Barry Nalebuff, an economics
and management professor at the Yale School of Organization and Management, say
it this way:
“If
you are going to fail, you might as well fail at a difficult task. Failure
causes others to downgrade their expectations of you in the future. The
seriousness of this problem depends on what you attempt.”
In
its purest form, winning becomes a means, not an end, to improve yourself and
your competition.
Winning
is also a means to play again. The unexamined life may not be worth living, but
the unlived life is not worth examining. The rewards of winning--money, power,
satisfaction, and self-confidence--should not be squandered.
Thus,
in addition to playing to win, you have a second, more important obligation: To
compete again to the depth and breadth and height that your soul can reach.
Ultimately, your greatest competition is yourself.
#2:
Obey the absolutes
Playing to win,
however, does not mean playing dirty. As you grow older and older, you will
find that things change from absolute to relative. When you were very young, it
was absolutely wrong to lie, cheat, or steal. As you get older, and
particularly when you enter the workforce, you will be tempted by the “system”
to think in relative terms. “I made more money.” “I have a nicer car.” “I went
on a better vacation.”
Worse,
“I didn't cheat as much on my taxes as my partner.” “I just have a few drinks.
I don't take cocaine.” “I don't pad my expense reports as much as others.”
This
is completely wrong. Preserve and obey the absolutes as much as you can. If you
never lie, cheat, or steal, you will never have to remember who you lied to,
how you cheated, and what you stole.
There
absolutely are absolute rights and wrongs.
#1:
Enjoy your family and friends before they are gone.
This is the most
important hindsight. It doesn't need much explanation. I'll just repeat it:
Enjoy your family and friends before they are gone. Nothing-not money, power,
or fame-can replace your family and friends or bring them back once they are
gone. Our greatest joy has been our baby, and I predict that children will
bring you the greatest joy in your lives--especially if they graduate from
college in four years.
And
now, I'm going to give you one extra hindsight because I've probably cost your
parents thousands of dollars today. It's something that I hate to admit too.
By
and large, the older you get, the more you're going to realize that your
parents were right. More and more-until finally, you become your parents. I
know you're all saying, “Yeah, right.” Mark my words.
Remember
these ten things: if just one of them helps you helps just one of you, this
speech will have been a success:
#10:
Live off your parents as long as possible.
#9: Pursue joy, not happiness.
#8: Challenge the known and embrace the unknown.
#7: Learn to speak a foreign language, play a musical instrument, and play
#9: Pursue joy, not happiness.
#8: Challenge the known and embrace the unknown.
#7: Learn to speak a foreign language, play a musical instrument, and play
non-contact sports.
#6: Continue to learn.
#5: Learn to like yourself or change yourself until you can like yourself.
#6: Continue to learn.
#5: Learn to like yourself or change yourself until you can like yourself.
#4:
Don't get married too soon.
#3: Play to win and win to play.
#2: Obey the absolutes.
#1: Enjoy your family and friends before they are gone.
#3: Play to win and win to play.
#2: Obey the absolutes.
#1: Enjoy your family and friends before they are gone.
EmoticonEmoticon