Forgiving
someone isn’t easy. Believe me, I know from personal experience! But I also
know that it is
possible. With promises found in scriptures like Philippians 4:13 (AMP),
we can do whatever we need to do with God’s power:
Many
of you know that my father sexually abused me from the time I was about three
years old until I was eighteen. I left home as soon as I could and carried
bitterness and unforgiveness in my heart for years.
But
over time, as I
studied God’s Word, He began to reveal how harmful it is to live
with unforgiveness and the benefits of forgiveness. I think sometimes people
believe forgiveness is more about doing a favor for the person who hurt them,
when actually, you
are doing yourself a big favor. But the truth is, it’s because as you release
the bitterness and anger in your heart, you are able to live with real peace
and joy.
You
may be thinking, “Ok, Joyce, I want to forgive, but it’s so hard. I don’t know
if I can do it!” Well, I want to encourage you to know that in Christ, you can
forgive–no matter what has been done to you. Here are four steps you can take
to genuinely forgive:
1. Make a Quality Decision
Forgiveness
is about more than saying a prayer, like, “Lord, I forgive so-and-so.”
Forgiveness is a serious decision you make. It’s not easy and it will probably
be uncomfortable or even painful, but the reward of going through it will be
worth any pain you’ve experienced.
2. Depend on God
Fortunately,
we can depend on God to gain the strength needed to forgive. This means we live
with a prayerful mindset and attitude: “Lord, help me not to be offended today.
Keep me from unnecessary anger. If I am mad at someone, show me who it is. Give
me the grace to forgive them.” (See Ephesians 4:32.).
If
you’re easily offended or there’s a person in your life who just annoys you,
not only do you have to decide to forgive and live in peace, but you are going
to have to depend on God for the grace to do it and make it a matter of prayer.
3. Understand Your Emotions
The
dictionary says that emotion
means to move out and that emotions provoke psychological changes that prepare
a person for action. So feelings create a desire to do something. When somebody
hurts you and you feel pain, the first thing you may want to do is tell them
off. You may want to get them back or you want to get away from them.
“ …your
feelings will probably need time to catch up with your decision to forgive. ”
You
need to know that your feelings will probably need time to catch up with your
decision to forgive. Your feelings are not the real you. They’re fickle. You
can feel a thousand and one different ways about the same thing. You can love
somebody one minute and then you can’t stand them the next. But remember, your
will gives you the ability to live beyond your feelings.
4. Pray for Your Enemies
In Matthew 5:44 (AMP),
Jesus instructs us to love
your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. This has got to
be the hardest thing in the whole world to do. But we don’t get out of
something just because it’s hard. Whatever God asks us to do, it’s always for
our benefit.
Let’s
get real practical about this: If you have a coworker who gets the promotion
you wanted, the minute you feel jealousy and envy, don’t just pray for them—go
buy them a gift. Trust me, it will work, because when you do that, it breaks
the power of the devil! (See
Romans 12:21.)
One
time I found out somebody who did business with our ministry was saying unkind
things about me. I was mad and wanted to tell the guy off, but God told me to
buy him a gift instead and thank him for all his years of service. At first it
wasn’t easy. But when I put action behind it, I became filled with so much joy
I actually laughed out loud.
The Choice Is Yours
Today,
you have the choice to overcome evil with good and find a new level of joy you
didn’t know was possible by choosing to forgive. I want to encourage you to do
yourself a favor and make the right choice. Forgive.
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