No
woman goes into a marriage expecting to be a bad wife. However, if you aren't
communicating with your husband about your needs as well as meeting his needs,
your relationship can get seriously out of balance. Marriages, like anything of
value, require work and commitment. When you're doing your best to be a good
wife, then you'll have a husband who truly appreciates you.
Part 1: Communicate Effectively
1. Express your feelings and needs.
Your husband doesn't have clairvoyant powers. If you want something, ask. If
something is wrong, say so. Don't drop hints or figure he'll "come
around."
2. Pick your battles. Some issues are worth
fighting about, and some aren't. If you spend all of your time nitpicking him
for minor problems that don't really matter, then he's not going to listen to
you when major issues come up.
- Criticism can destroy a relationship. As long as the dishes are clean and unbroken, for instance, don't nag your husband about how to load the dishwasher "the right way." Let him do things his own way. Don't sweat the small stuff.
- Avoid criticizing your husband without doing it constructively. Remember to try and be calm and rational, as strong emotions can easily turn a discussion into an argument.
- Talk to him at the right time. Don't just spring your problems on him whenever. Avoid bringing up problems before dinner, while he's paying bills or when he's immersed in a stressful situation, like fixing a problem with your car. And never, ever start an argument in front of your children.
3. Fight right.
Don't let anger take over because it may cause you to say things that you will
regret later. Even when you don't agree with your husband, you need to respect
his opinion and his viewpoint.
- When you're wrong, admit it. You need to learn to respond to arguments and remain rational so you can recognize and apologize when you've made a misstep.
- Understand that you may never agree on certain issues. No couple has an identical set of morals and beliefs, which means that both of you will need to learn to cope with occasions where you just can't resolve your opinions.
4. Talk to your husband, not about him.
Never talk to your friends or your family and say negative things about your
husband if you're not communicating with him first. Talking about your husband
behind his back is disloyal. When you get married, your first loyalty is to
your partner, not to your birth family or your social group.
Part 2: Prioritize Your Sex Life
1. Schedule sex into your life.
You may feel that sex has to be spontaneous, but if you don't add it to your schedule,
you may start to neglect it. Have a quickie or even so-so sex. It's better than
no sex at all.
2. Refresh your sex play.
Buy new toys, try new positions or play new games. Experimenting and trying out
new ways to pleasure each other can keep your sex life fresh and exciting.
3. Kiss passionately.
After a while, you make due with a peck on the lips instead of with full-on
French kissing. During an intense kiss, men actually pass testosterone to their
wives, which increases sexual desire.
4. Make your bedroom a sanctuary for sex.
Try some of the following tips to create the perfect love nest:
- Create an inviting bed with attractive covers and cushions.
- Light some candles.
- Place photos of yourselves all around. Make sure that they are images that encourage intimacy and romance.
- Ban television sets, laptops and work-related materials. Your bedroom should be dedicated to sleep and sex.
5. Have sex frequently. Many men
want to make love daily or at least 2 to 4 times per week. If your lives are
extraordinarily busy (new baby, aging parents, etc.), you should still try to
make love at least once per week.
- Without the frequent intimate acceptance and love that comes from your lovemaking, a man can and will become dissatisfied, grumpy and ultimately suffer from feelings of rejection and even anger. Remember lovemaking gives an intimacy and physical release that is vital for both of you.
- Imagine the power of speech were taken from you - how would you show the strength and depth of your love to your husband? Lovemaking is often how husbands express their feelings in a way that is "more than words." Don't hold back on communicating your love and devotion to him in the same way.
6. Tell your husband what you like.
He wants to lose himself in the sex act, but he also wants to please you. If
you love nipple stimulation, oral sex or other aspects of lovemaking, let him
know so that he can please you. When you're having a great time, you're more
likely to keep coming back for more, which will make both of you very happy.
7. Accept your body.
As women get older, they inevitably sport stretch marks, and formerly taut body
parts tend to sag. However, your husband still wants you, so love your body.
When you're not self-conscious, you can truly let go, which will lead to more
satisfying sex.
Part 3: Other Best Practices for Being a Good Wife
1. Have realistic expectations.
Neither of you is perfect. Unmet expectations tend to frustrate everyone. If
your expectations are truly too high or unrealistic, then you need to set standards
that are obtainable. For example, it is unfair to expect lavish possessions and
have the love of your life home for every meal. If you want more together time,
then be prepared to have that desire fulfilled at some expense.
2. Avoid trying to change your husband.
Accept him as he is and let him know that you would never want him to change in
any way for you. He has so much to offer you if only you give him the space to
be himself. He is a growing individual, just like you are.
Love him for who he is, and he'll love you unconditionally in return.
3. Manage stress.
Men and women deal with stress all day and every day. Do what you can to help
each other deal with the stress of every day life. Making sure that you are
able to cope with your own stresses will take pressure off of your marriage.
4. Meet your husband's needs without
compromising your own. If he needs more sex, then open your mind to the
possibilities. If he needs time with friends or time to pursue a hobby, then don't be possessive. He'll be happier,
and he'll be grateful to you for your respect.
5. Maintain your own identity. Make
sure you still have a fun and interesting life. If your husband left tomorrow,
would you still have your own friends that you see at least once a month, hobby
clubs you go to or sports that you play? If not, your husband will always be
working to fill a void he cannot fill, and will feel inadequate. When you're
fulfilled as an individual, then you have a lot more to bring to the
relationship.
6. Be your husband's best friend.
Develop true intimacy and unconditional acceptance. Demonstrate a willingness
to be vulnerable, and be confident that your relationship can withstand
conflict. Enjoy your shared history and your inside jokes. Forward him articles
you know that he'll find interesting or just sit with him in companionable
silence. Even your silence will say volumes when your marriage is strengthened
by true friendship.
7. Roll with the changes.
You will experience crises together, from the loss of a job to the death of a
parent. You may suffer financial hardship, or you may find yourselves
unexpectedly wealthy and unsure of what to do. Your marriage can survive the
changes if you're willing to keep communicating and being flexible.
8. Create shared dreams. Never lose
sight of the dreams that you share. Whether your dreams include retiring to a
warm climate or taking a trip abroad for your twentieth anniversary, embrace
your dreams, talk about them and take steps to make them happen.
10. Leave the battle of the sexes outside of
the home. A husband and wife
have to work together to accomplish their goals and raise a family. Unless
absolutely necessary the battle of the sexes should never take places in the
home.
11. Win your husband through this stomach.
A husband is more satisfied fed than hungry. Try to cook everyday... meals that
he most enjoy and crave.
·
If
your marriage is in trouble, seek counseling. Divorce is agonizing for both a
married couple and their children. Fight for your marriage by understanding
each other's needs and working to meet them.
·
Many
wives define their roles through their religious faith. However, in marriages
where couples have mixed religious backgrounds, partners may not share unified
visions of what a good wife does. Also, very conservative messages about
submission as part of being a good wife may leave a wife incapable of
developing herself into a vibrant partner. Honor your faith, but also honor
your needs.
·
Remember
to talk things out instead of walking away at the first sign of trouble. You
did get married for a reason and you promised you would stay forever for a
reason too.
·
Happily
married couples experience more health, wealth and happiness than people who
remain single or divorce. Studies show lower instances of heart disease, cancer
and stroke. Also, they report a more satisfying sex life and fewer instances of
depression or domestic violence.
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