There is no one-size-fits-all
formula for being a wonderful husband. Every wife and every marriage is
different. But there are some common issues that many married couples
face, and if you're dealing with them, the following guidelines will help you
become a better husband..
Be Honest
Honest:In a mature relationship,
honesty is the best policy. It may be difficult, but the truth will allow
relationships to breathe. No matter what happens, no one can ever challenge the
fact that you are truthful, which might mean that the other person also gives
you the same respect. If something doesn't suit them let them know, otherwise
they will not trust your opinion. But make it sound like a compliment.
Suggest an alternative, and attach praise to the alternative. For example, if
they ask you if you like something they are trying on (trying on, not already
wearing at a party!) let them know that it might work, but you think the blue
one is your favourite so far because it shows off their great (insert a feature
you appreciate, preferably not one that they are self-conscious about). It's
not going to be easy to be honest and kind at the same time, so focus on
learning how to give a feedback sandwich and you'll both
be better off.
Communicate. Do not talk her ear off, however
make sure that if you have any problems that will affect your mood, she is made
aware of the reasons for your problems and mood, so that you do not appear to
merely be a fickle and cranky creature. Zone out everything around you when
you're talking to her. If you ask her a question, ask because you really want
to know. For example, ask her what type of movies she enjoys, or about one of
her favourites. If you know it, talk about it a little bit in an honest way,
what you thought of it, and make a guess at why she might have liked it. Even
if you are wrong, your mate will usually love the fact that you are interested enough to try. Remember,
the opposite of talking is not waiting, it's listening. Make sure you're
actually listening, not just waiting for your turn to talk. Put off a vibe that
tells her that she can tell you anything. Make her feel safe.
Don't brush your wife
off. People often find it exasperating
when they get the feeling their partner treats them as an inferior in a
relationship. Women are no exception. A lot of people have been taught that the
only way to get attention when their partner is trying to ignore them is to act
more emotional and be louder until the partner finally surrenders and pays
attention to her, even if in annoyance. If people feel they're being given the
cold treatment by people who are supposed to be important to them, they get
worried. Especially when it happens without you giving an explanation for why
this disturbance has occurred. People aren't mind readers. Your mate is not
likely to be able to guess that you're cranky just because they wouldn't let
you do something that they felt was very trivial, whereas you found it
important. If you know that your mood might lead you to overreact, simply say
"I'm feeling really irritated right now. Can we talk about this later
after I cool off a bit?" (Don't forget to follow through and actually give
her your time later).
Respect her
Don't show her even
the mildest forms of contempt.
Contempt is poison in a relationship. You don't have to act like you like what
she said or did, but do not take on an attitude of superiority, even subtly in
passing, such as momentary smirking, sighs of disgust or eye-rolling. Such
gestures, though seemingly insignificant, deeply show a lack of support,
respect and trust, especially over a period of time. The way you naturally act
towards her should subtly validate her as a person, even when you do not
understand or agree with her. Giving eye contact when she has something
important to tell you shows respect; not giving eye contact shows disrespect
and that you don't care about her or what she has to say. This will destroy any
attempt to communicate well. If you show contempt in front of your child(ren)
they will then feel that is an appropriate way to treat their mother. A son may
feel he can treat his wife with contempt if he witnessed you treat your wife
that way.
Be romantic.
What "being romantic" means varies widely from person to person, but
at its core, romance involves doing something to express affection in a
meaningful yet unexpected way. A true act of romance requires creativity and
sincerity, often inspired by love (either its presence or its possibility).
Reintroduce the excitement that characterized the beginning of the relationship. Do something different, something that your wife wouldn't expect. The more out of the ordinary, the better!
·
Treat
your wife like they're single, like you're trying to earn her affection and
trust. The opposite of being romanced is being taken for granted. No one wants
to feel like they've already been "caught" and it's over and done
with.
·
There
are millions of ways to say "I love you" and "I'm lucky to have
you." Think of the world as your medium. You can write it, say it, sculpt
it, look it, hide it, shout it, paint it, kiss it, fold it, grow it, touch it,
and express it in unlimited ways.
Keep your sex life
invigorated. Kiss
her goodbye in the morning like you don't want her to leave. It gives her
something to think about all day. Be romantic. Suggest new ideas. Ask what she
likes. Be willing to put her pleasure ahead of yours. Talk about it. Intimacy
(emotional and physical closeness) is important to women.
Give gifts as a surprise. Anyone can buy a gift for a
birthday, Christmas or an anniversary. Listen to her when you are out window
shopping, and if there is something she likes, and it's within your price
range, remember it and surprise her with it when she least expects it, for no
reason at all. Or pick something up on your way home from work, and tell her
you were thinking of her when you saw it. It doesn't have to be big or
expensive - a book you know she will like, or a CD of her favourite band are
nice gestures.
Give what she needs. Ask her for what she needs to feel
loved by you. If she needs you to give her compliments, learn to master the art
of compliments. If she needs to you to come home on time, be on time. If you
know that you are going to be late coming home, call her and let her know. If
she needs you to help children with homework, spend time with the family
instead of going out with your friend, or spend a quality time with her, give
it to her. Being married is being of service. You give your wife because you
love her. True giving is to give what the other person needs.
Always be available
Take care of her. Your wife may feel overwhelmed with
kids and work. Don't hesitate to cook her favorite food or make her favorite
drink. Help with the kids and help around the house (like doing dishes). Wives
aren't superwomen as much as you'd like them to be.
Be her greatest supporter. Be someone she knows that she can
always count on. Be there for her when she has had a long day. Listen to her
with attentive eyes and ears. Back her up 100 percent! And always protect her,
both physically and emotionally. If you have done something to hurt her, even
if you didn't mean to, tell her you are sorry and show her affection. This must
be sincere! There's nothing worse than an "I'm sorry" that is put on
or phony.
Understand that your
personal relationship should be more important to you than your other family
members, work, friends, etc.
She is your partner in all things. Treat her as such. If you're worried about
looking independent in front of them, then talk with your wife and set clear
expectations about what decisions you can make without each other, and what
decisions must absolutely be discussed. But also, ask yourself why you feel you
should look independent instead of married. It may not be hard to say "Let
me talk this over with my other half".
Do your part. Don't make her ask you to pull
your own weight around the house. This makes her feel like a nag, and it
creates an adult/child relationship. Which is never good. She is your partner
not your mother. Show her she can count on you to get things handled.
Be responsible
Seek responsibility and
take responsibility for your actions. The
main difference between a man and a boy, and adult and a child, is that men are
responsible. Men honor their commitments, accept their duties and are
accountable for damages they incur, debts they owe and claims they make. Men
clean up after themselves (figuratively and literally). Men know that anyone
can father a baby but only a man who understands and accepts responsibility can
be a good father. Men refuse to make anyone do anything they themselves are
unwilling to do. Sometimes men make sacrifices for the people they love and
care about. That's life. It's part of growing up, whether you like it or not.
The difference between a man and a boy is that a man steps up to the plate,
while a boy hesitates or complains.
Share this
EmoticonEmoticon