MOTHER'S SACRIFICE - A TOUCHING STORY

My mom only had one eye. I hated her... she was such an embarrassment. My mom ran a small shop at a flea market. She collected little weeds and such to sell... anything for the money we needed she was such an embarrassment. There was this one day during elementary school.

I remember that it was field day, and my mom came. I was so embarrassed.

How could she do this to me? I threw her a hateful look and ran out. The next day at school..."Your mom only has one eye?!" and they taunted me.   

I wished that my mom would just disappear from this world so I said to my mom, "Mom, why don't you have the other eye?! You're only going to make me a laughingstock. Why don't you just die?" My mom did not respond. I guess I felt a little bad, but at the same time, it felt good to think that I had said what I'd wanted to say all this time.

Maybe it was because my mom hadn't punished me, but I didn't think that I had hurt her feelings very badly.

That night...I woke up, and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. My mom was crying there, so quietly, as if she was afraid that she might wake me. I took a look at her, and then turned away. Because of the thing I had said to her earlier, there was something pinching at me in the corner of my heart. Even so, I hated my mother who was crying out of her one eye. So I told myself that I would grow up and become successful, because I hated my one-eyed mom and our desperate poverty.

Then I studied really hard. I left my mother and came to Seoul and studied, and got accepted in the Seoul University with all the confidence I had. Then, I got married. I bought a house of my own. Then I had kids, too. Now I'm living happily as a successful man. I like it here because it's a place that doesn't remind me of my mom. This happiness was getting bigger and bigger, when someone unexpected came to see me "What?! Who's this?!" ...It was my mother...Still with her one eye. It felt as if the whole sky was falling apart on me. My little girl ran away, scared of my mom's eye.

And I asked her, "Who are you? I don't know you!!!" as if I tried to make that real. I screamed at her "How dare you come to my house and scare my daughter! GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!!!" And to this, my mother quietly answered, "oh, I'm so sorry. I may have gotten the wrong address," and she disappeared. Thank goodness... she doesn't recognize me. I was quite relieved. I told myself that I wasn't going to care, or think about this for the rest of my life.

Then a wave of relief came upon me...one day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house. I lied to my wife saying that I was going on a business trip. After the reunion, I went down to the old shack, that I used to call a house...just out of curiosity there, I found my mother fallen on the cold ground. But I did not shed a single tear. She had a piece of paper in her hand.... it was a letter to me.

She wrote:

My son...

I think my life has been long enough now. And... I won't visit Seoul anymore... but would it be too much to ask if I wanted you to come visit me once in a while? I miss you so much. And I was so glad when I heard you were coming for the reunion. But I decided not to go to the school.... For you... I'm sorry that I only have one eye, and I was an embarrassment for you. You see, when you were very little, you got into an accident, and lost your eye. As a mother, I couldn't stand watching you having to grow up with only one eye... so I gave you mine...I was so proud of my son that was seeing a whole new world for me, in my place, with that eye.  I was never upset at you for anything you did. The couple times that you were angry with me. I thought to myself, 'it's because he loves me.' I miss the times when you were still young around me.

I miss you so much. I love you. You mean the world to me.

My world shattered!!!

Then I cried for the person who lived for me... MY MOTHER

WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND

One day a man saw an old lady, stranded on the side of the road, but even in the dim light of day, he could see she needed help. So he pulled up in front of her Mercedes and got out. His Pontiac was still sputtering when he approached her.

Even with the smile on his face, she was worried. No one had stopped to help for the last hour or so. Was he going to hurt her? He didn’t look safe; he looked poor and hungry. He could see that she was frightened, standing out there in the cold. He knew how she felt. It was those chills which only fear can put in you. He said, “I’m here to help you, ma’am. Why don’t you wait in the car where it’s warm? By the way, my name is Bryan Anderson.”

Well, all she had was a flat tire, but for an old lady, that was bad enough. Bryan crawled under the car looking for a place to put the jack, skinning his knuckles a time or two. Soon he was able to change the tire. But he had to get dirty and his hands hurt.
As he was tightening up the lug nuts, she rolled down the window and began to talk to him. She told him that she was from St. Louis and was only just passing through. She couldn’t thank him enough for coming to her aid.

Bryan just smiled as he closed her trunk. The lady asked how much she owed him. Any amount would have been all right with her. She already imagined all the awful things that could have happened had he not stopped. Bryan never thought twice about being paid. This was not a job to him. This was helping someone in need, and God knows there were plenty, who had given him a hand in the past. He had lived his whole life that way, and it never occurred to him to act any other way.
He told her that if she really wanted to pay him back, the next time she saw someone who needed help, she could give that person the assistance they needed, and Bryan added, “And think of me.”

He waited until she started her car and drove off. It had been a cold and depressing day, but he felt good as he headed for home, disappearing into the twilight.

A few miles down the road the lady saw a small cafe. She went in to grab a bite to eat, and take the chill off before she made the last leg of her trip home. It was a dingy looking restaurant. Outside were two old gas pumps. The whole scene was unfamiliar to her. The waitress came over and brought a clean towel to wipe her wet hair. She had a sweet smile, one that even being on her feet for the whole day couldn’t erase. The lady noticed the waitress was nearly eight months pregnant, but she never let the strain and aches change her attitude. The old lady wondered how someone who had so little could be so giving to a stranger. Then she remembered Bryan.

After the lady finished her meal, she paid with a hundred dollar bill. The waitress quickly went to get change for her hundred dollar bill, but the old lady had slipped right out the door. She was gone by the time the waitress came back. The waitress wondered where the lady could be. Then she noticed something written on the napkin.

There were tears in her eyes when she read what the lady wrote: “You don’t owe me anything. I have been there too. Somebody once helped me out, the way I’m helping you. If you really want to pay me back, here is what you do: Do not let this chain of love end with you.”
Under the napkin were four more $100 bills.

Well, there were tables to clear, sugar bowls to fill, and people to serve, but the waitress made it through another day. That night when she got home from work and climbed into bed, she was thinking about the money and what the lady had written. How could the lady have known how much she and her husband needed it? With the baby due next month, it was going to be hard….
She knew how worried her husband was, and as he lay sleeping next to her, she gave him a soft kiss and whispered soft and low, “Everything’s going to be all right. I love you, Bryan Anderson.”

There is an old saying “What goes around comes around.”

HOW TO BE A GOOD WIFE

 No woman goes into a marriage expecting to be a bad wife. However, if you aren't communicating with your husband about your needs as well as meeting his needs, your relationship can get seriously out of balance. Marriages, like anything of value, require work and commitment. When you're doing your best to be a good wife, then you'll have a husband who truly appreciates you.

Part 1: Communicate Effectively

1.       Express your feelings and needs. Your husband doesn't have clairvoyant powers. If you want something, ask. If something is wrong, say so. Don't drop hints or figure he'll "come around."

2.         Pick your battles. Some issues are worth fighting about, and some aren't. If you spend all of your time nitpicking him for minor problems that don't really matter, then he's not going to listen to you when major issues come up.

• Criticism can destroy a relationship. As long as the dishes are clean and unbroken, for instance, don't nag your husband about how to load the dishwasher "the right way." Let him do things his own way. Don't sweat the small stuff.
• Avoid criticizing your husband without doing it constructively. Remember to try and be calm and rational, as strong emotions can easily turn a discussion into an argument.
• Talk to him at the right time. Don't just spring your problems on him whenever. Avoid bringing up problems before dinner, while he's paying bills or when he's immersed in a stressful situation, like fixing a problem with your car. And never, ever start an argument in front of your children.

3.       Fight right. Don't let anger take over because it may cause you to say things that you will regret later. Even when you don't agree with your husband, you need to respect his opinion and his viewpoint.

• When you're wrong, admit it. You need to learn to respond to arguments and remain rational so you can recognize and apologize when you've made a misstep.
• Understand that you may never agree on certain issues. No couple has an identical set of morals and beliefs, which means that both of you will need to learn to cope with occasions where you just can't resolve your opinions.

4.       Talk to your husband, not about him. Never talk to your friends or your family and say negative things about your husband if you're not communicating with him first. Talking about your husband behind his back is disloyal. When you get married, your first loyalty is to your partner, not to your birth family or your social group.

Part 2: Prioritize Your Sex Life

1.       Schedule sex into your life. You may feel that sex has to be spontaneous, but if you don't add it to your schedule, you may start to neglect it. Have a quickie or even so-so sex. It's better than no sex at all.

2.     Refresh your sex play. Buy new toys, try new positions or play new games.           Experimenting and trying out new ways to pleasure each other can keep your sex life fresh and exciting.

3.       Kiss passionately. After a while, you make due with a peck on the lips instead of with full-on French kissing. During an intense kiss, men actually pass testosterone to their wives, which increases sexual desire.

4.       Make your bedroom a sanctuary for sex. Try some of the following tips to create the perfect love nest:

• Create an inviting bed with attractive covers and cushions.
• Light some candles.
• Place photos of yourselves all around. Make sure that they are images that encourage intimacy and romance.
• Ban television sets, laptops and work-related materials. Your bedroom should be dedicated to sleep and sex.

5.       Have sex frequently. Many men want to make love daily or at least 2 to 4 times per week. If your lives are extraordinarily busy (new baby, aging parents, etc.), you should still try to make love at least once per week.

• Without the frequent intimate acceptance and love that comes from your lovemaking, a man can and will become dissatisfied, grumpy and ultimately suffer from feelings of rejection and even anger. Remember lovemaking gives an intimacy and physical release that is vital for both of you.
• Imagine the power of speech were taken from you - how would you show the strength and depth of your love to your husband? Lovemaking is often how husbands express their feelings in a way that is "more than words." Don't hold back on communicating your love and devotion to him in the same way.

6.         Tell your husband what you like. He wants to lose himself in the sex act, but he also wants to please you. If you love nipple stimulation, oral sex or other aspects of lovemaking, let him know so that he can please you. When you're having a great time, you're more likely to keep coming back for more, which will make both of you very happy.

7.       Accept your body. As women get older, they inevitably sport stretch marks, and formerly taut body parts tend to sag. However, your husband still wants you, so love your body. When you're not self-conscious, you can truly let go, which will lead to more satisfying sex.

Part 3: Other Best Practices for Being a Good Wife

1.    Have realistic expectations. Neither of you is perfect. Unmet expectations tend to frustrate everyone. If your expectations are truly too high or unrealistic, then you need to set standards that are obtainable. For example, it is unfair to expect lavish possessions and have the love of your life home for every meal. If you want more together time, then be prepared to have that desire fulfilled at some expense.

2.       Avoid trying to change your husband. Accept him as he is and let him know that you would never want him to change in any way for you. He has so much to offer you if only you give him the space to be himself. He is a growing individual, just like you are. Love him for who he is, and he'll love you unconditionally in return.

3.       Manage stress. Men and women deal with stress all day and every day. Do what you can to help each other deal with the stress of every day life. Making sure that you are able to cope with your own stresses will take pressure off of your marriage.

4.        Meet your husband's needs without compromising your own. If he needs more sex, then open your mind to the possibilities. If he needs time with friends or time        to pursue a hobby, then don't be possessive. He'll be happier, and he'll be grateful to you for your respect.

5.         Maintain your own identity. Make sure you still have a fun and interesting life. If your husband left tomorrow, would you still have your own friends that you see at least once a month, hobby clubs you go to or sports that you play? If not, your husband will always be working to fill a void he cannot fill, and will feel inadequate. When you're fulfilled as an individual, then you have a lot more to bring to the relationship.

6.       Be your husband's best friend. Develop true intimacy and unconditional acceptance. Demonstrate a willingness to be vulnerable, and be confident that your relationship can withstand conflict. Enjoy your shared history and your inside jokes. Forward him articles you know that he'll find interesting or just sit with him in companionable silence. Even your silence will say volumes when your marriage is strengthened by true friendship.

7.       Roll with the changes. You will experience crises together, from the loss of a job to the death of a parent. You may suffer financial hardship, or you may find yourselves unexpectedly wealthy and unsure of what to do. Your marriage can survive the changes if you're willing to keep communicating and being flexible.

8.         Create shared dreams. Never lose sight of the dreams that you share. Whether your dreams include retiring to a warm climate or taking a trip abroad for your twentieth anniversary, embrace your dreams, talk about them and take steps to make them happen.

10.     Leave the battle of the sexes outside of the home. A husband and wife have to work together to accomplish their goals and raise a family. Unless absolutely necessary the battle of the sexes should never take places in the home.

11.     Win your husband through this stomach. A husband is more satisfied fed than hungry. Try to cook everyday... meals that he most enjoy and crave.

·         If your marriage is in trouble, seek counseling. Divorce is agonizing for both a married couple and their children. Fight for your marriage by understanding each other's needs and working to meet them.

·         Many wives define their roles through their religious faith. However, in marriages where couples have mixed religious backgrounds, partners may not share unified visions of what a good wife does. Also, very conservative messages about submission as part of being a good wife may leave a wife incapable of developing herself into a vibrant partner. Honor your faith, but also honor your needs.

·         Remember to talk things out instead of walking away at the first sign of trouble. You did get married for a reason and you promised you would stay forever for a reason too.

·         Happily married couples experience more health, wealth and happiness than people who remain single or divorce. Studies show lower instances of heart disease, cancer and stroke. Also, they report a more satisfying sex life and fewer instances of depression or domestic violence.