12:41 AM
Have you been hurt by someone?
Do you find it hard to forgive them?

It’s always painful when somebody hurts us. We feel a sense of injustice or betrayal.
Especially if that person is someone we trust.
Or if that person isn’t showing any kind of remorse.
We become angry, sad, or confused.

But holding on to our anger can weigh us down and prevent us from truly living.
I was having a conversation with a friend last week and she was sharing with me how she needed to learn how to forgive because it was eating her up. She asked me why I don’t stay mad for long.
I’m very grateful to have parents who modeled that so it was natural for me. I can’t take credit for it.
I’m not saying I never hold on to anger, but it doesn’t last very long.
I decided to write this article to share how I see things because I sense a lot of people struggle with this also.

How do you forgive someone you’ve been hurt by?
Don’t force it
If the wound is still fresh and you aren’t ready yet, don’t force yourself to forgive. Give it some time. Sort your feelings out.
For me, I know myself enough to know that when I try to force myself to do things I don’t want to do, I resist it more. This will make it harder for me to forgive them.
Therefore I allow myself to get hurt or angry for a while. Then I let it pass.
I do this consciously with the intention to forgive eventually.

Forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation
Sometimes we think that if we forgive the other person it means we are allowing them to stay in our lives.
That isn’t true. If the person is toxic and we don’t want them in our lives anymore we have that right. We are forgiving to find peace.

Understand that they are acting out of their own issues
We get angry because we feel disrespected by the other person.
It gets more difficult to forgive someone if they aren’t showing remorse at all.
But when we understand that people do bad things out of their own suffering and it has nothing to do with us, it frees us from a lot of hurt. Forgiving becomes easier.
For example, someone who is always putting you down may be dealing with insecurity issues, finding the need to put others down to make themselves look good.
It doesn’t excuse their behavior and you have every right to be hurt or angry. But by understanding that they are operating from a place of insecurity and not personally attacking you, you see that it wasn’t personal, you can detach yourself and you can forgive faster.

Show compassion
With that said, when we understand where the other person is truly coming from, we open ourselves to see their suffering and to show empathy.
Another thing is I know I have done things that hurt other people unintentionally also. For example, I used to have a bad temper, I snap when I’m not in a good mood. This hurt the people around me.
Instead of reacting to their darkness, I choose to understand their suffering instead and show compassion.

Mistakes are a natural part of growing up
We’re all on the path of growth. We make mistakes so we can learn from them and grow. It’s part of life.
We’re all constantly learning, growing and evolving. So give them time. This might be the phase where they are still learning.

Look for the lesson
Sometimes bad things have to happen for us to learn and grow. I ask myself what the situation is trying to teach me. It’s hard to swallow, but you have to trust that it serves a bigger purpose and it happened the way it did for us to learn and grow.
Perhaps the lesson is forgiving or setting boundaries.

Cut people some slack
We all have bad days.
Sometimes it’s as simple as cutting others some slack.

Forgive and set yourself free
Recognize that when you resent someone, you are punishing yourself.
Free yourself from the suffering.
I know it’s difficult especially if you’ve been really hurt or that person isn’t even showing any kind of remorse. But do it for yourself. So you’re no longer tied to the past and can finally have peace and move on.

Ask questions to clarify
When something is really bothering you, ask.  Let them know what their actions or words have made you feel and ask them for clarification.
Make sure you do this from a place of curiosity, not from blame.
Sometimes, you’ll be surprised to hear that it was just a complete misunderstanding.
Or they could realize what they had done wrong and if the relationship is important to them then they would apologize to you.
If that doesn’t happen, then at least you would know where you stand and use this to serve as closure and move on.
We cannot control the action of others. But we have a choice. We can choose to stop reliving the hurt and choose to move on.
Practicing forgiveness leads to inner peace and healthy relationships.
Are you hanging on to your anger? How has this caused you to suffer? And what can you do now to forgive those who have hurt you?

Thank you very much for reading & welcome again!!!

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