“Criticism is something
you can easily avoid by saying nothing doing nothing, and being nothing” Aristotle
At
the end of the day, when I feel completely exhausted, oftentimes it has nothing
to do with all the things I’ve done.
It’s
not a consequence of juggling multiple responsibilities and projects. It’s not
my body’s way of punishing me for becoming a late-life jogger after a period of
cardiovascular laziness. It’s not even about getting too little sleep.
When
I’m exhausted, you can be sure I’ve bent over backwards trying to win
everyone’s approval. I’ve obsessed over what people think of me, I’ve assigned
speculative and usually inaccurate meanings to feedback I’ve received, and I’ve
lost myself in negative thoughts about criticism and its merit.
I
work at minimizing this type of behavior—and I’ve had success for the most
part—but admittedly it’s not easy.
I
remember back in college, taking a summer acting class, when I actually made
the people around me uncomfortable with my defensiveness. This one time, the
teacher was giving me feedback after a scene in front of the whole class. She
couldn’t get through a single sentence without me offering some type of
argument.
After
a couple minutes of verbal sparring, one of my peers actually said, “Stop
talking. You’re embarrassing yourself.”
Looking
back, I cut myself a little slack. You’re vulnerable in the spotlight and the
student’s reaction was kind of harsh. But I know I needed to hear it. Because I
was desperately afraid of being judged, I took everything, from everyone as
condemnation.
I
realize criticism doesn’t always come gently from someone legitimately trying
to help. A lot of the feedback we receive is unsolicited and doesn’t come from
teachers—or maybe all of it does.
We
can’t control what other people will say to us, whether they’ll approve or form
opinions and share them. But we can control how we internalize it, respond to
it, and learn from it, and when we release it and move on.
25 REASONS TO EMBRACE IT
If you’ve been having a
hard time dealing with criticism lately, it may help to remember the following:
The Benefits of
Criticism:
Personal Growth
1. Looking for seeds of
truth in criticism encourages humility. It’s not easy to take
an honest look at yourself and your weaknesses, but you can only grow if you’re
willing to try.
2.
Learning
from criticism allows you to improve. Almost every critique
gives you a tool to more effectively create the tomorrow you visualize.
3.
Criticism
opens you up to new perspectives and new ideas you may not have
considered. Whenever someone challenges you, they help expand your thinking.
4.
Your
critics give you an opportunity to practice active listening.
This means you resist the urge to analyze in your head, planning your rebuttal,
and simply consider what the other person is saying.
5.
You have
the chance to practice forgiveness when you come up against
harsh critics. Most of us carry around stress and frustration that we
unintentionally misdirect from time to time.
Emotional Benefits
6. It’s helpful to learn
how to sit with the discomfort of an initial emotional reaction
instead of immediately acting or retaliating. All too often we want to do
something with our feelings—generally not a great idea!
7.
Criticism
gives you the chance to foster problem solving skills, which
isn’t always easy when you’re feeling sensitive, self-critical, or annoyed with
your critic.
8.
Receiving
criticism that hits a sensitive spot helps you explore unresolved issues.
Maybe you’re sensitive about your intelligence because you’re holding onto
something someone said to you years ago—something you need to release.
9.
Interpreting
someone else’s feedback is an opportunity for rational thinking—sometimes,
despite a negative tone, criticism is incredibly useful.
10.
Criticism
encourages you to question your instinctive associations and feelings;
praise is good, criticism is bad. If we recondition ourselves to see things in
less black and white terms, there’s no stop to how far we can go!
Improved Relationships
11. Criticism presents an
opportunity to choose peace over conflict. Oftentimes, when
criticized our instinct is to fight, creating unnecessary drama. The people
around us generally want to help us, not judge us.
12.
Fielding
criticism well helps you mitigate the need to be right. Nothing
closes an open mind like ego—bad for your personal growth, and damaging for
relationships.
13.
Your
critics give you an opportunity to challenge any people-pleasing tendencies.
Relationships based on a constant need for approval can be draining for everyone
involved. It’s liberating to let people think whatever they want—they’re going
to do it anyway.
14.
Criticism
gives you the chance to teach people how to treat you. If
someone delivers it poorly, you can take this opportunity to tell them, “I
think you make some valid points, but I would receive them better if you didn’t
raise your voice.”
15.
Certain
pieces of criticism teach you not to sweat the small stuff. In
the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter that your boyfriend thinks you
load the dishwasher “wrong.”
Time Efficiency
16. The more time you spend
dwelling about what someone said, the less time you have to do something with
it.
17.
If you
improve how you operate after receiving criticism, this will save time and
energy in the future. When you think about from that
perspective—criticism as a time saver—it’s hard not to appreciate it!
18.
Fostering
the ability to let
go of your feelings and thoughts about being critiqued can help you let go
in other areas of your life. Letting go of worries, regrets,
stresses, fears, and even positive feelings helps you root yourself in the
present moment. Mindfulness is always the most efficient use of time.
19.
Criticism
reinforces the power of personal space. Taking 10 minutes to
process your emotions, perhaps by writing in a journal, will ensure you respond
well. And responding the well the first time prevents one critical comment from
dominating your day.
20.
In some
cases, criticism teaches you how to interact with a person, if
they’re negative or hostile, for example. Knowing this can save you a lot of
time and stress in the future
Self Confidence
21. Learning to receive
false criticism—feedback that has no constructive value—without losing your
confidence is a must if you want to do big things in life. The
more attention your work receives, the more criticism you’ll have to field.
22.
When
someone criticizes you, it shines a light on your own insecurities.
If you secretly agree that you’re lazy, you should get to the root of that. Why
do you believe that—and what can you do about it?
23.
Learning
to move forward after criticism, even if you don’t feel incredibly confident,
ensures no isolated comment prevents you from seizing your dreams.
Think of it as separating the wheat from the chaff; takes what’s useful, leave
the rest, and keep going!
24.
When
someone else appraises your harshly, you have an opportunity to monitor your
internal self-talk. Research indicates up to 80% of our
thoughts are negative. Take this opportunity to monitor and change your thought
processes so you don’t drain and sabotage yourself!
25.
Receiving
feedback well reminds you it’s OK to have flaws—imperfection is
part of being human. If you can admit weakness and work on them without getting
down on yourself, you’ll experience far more happiness, peace, enjoyment, and
success.
We
are all perfectly imperfect, and other people may notice that from time to
time. We may even notice in it each other.
Somehow
accepting that is a huge weight off my mind.
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