Do
you lie awake at night worrying you’re not really “good enough” to achieve the
kind of success you dream of? Ever find yourself hesitating, holding
yourself back or avoiding situations at work for fear of being found out as an
impostor? Are you waiting for the day you feel more confident before you
make that change, or take that chance in your career, business or life?
If
you find yourself plagued by self-doubt, you’re not alone. In fact, one study of managers by
the European Institute for Leadership and Management revealed that 50% of
female managers and 31% of male managers admitted to experiencing self-doubt.
The problem with self-doubt is that the fear it creates stops us from living
the lives we most want and changing the things we don’t. How? Fear
keeps us living small and stuck in jobs that don’t fulfill us but feel
safe. But is there really anything safe about living a life where you
feel disengaged, disillusioned or desperate to be doing something else? of
course not. The truth is that who you are is not your doubts. The key to
banishing them isn’t to wish them away, but to take action in their presence.
It’s
easy to mislead ourselves into thinking that if we just had the success we
wanted, then we’d never doubt ourselves again and ooze the confidence we see in
others. But it actually works in reverse. We must first start acting with the confidence we aspire to
have if we want to build more of it. So what are five ways you can finally
make peace with self-doubt and start showing up, shining and succeeding in your
work and beyond?
Know your why – Why
would you bother to speak up at work, to go and start a new career, or to take
on a great big job where there’s more chance of you failing than the one you’re
in right now? Why would you risk the humiliation and the possibility of
rejection and failure? As I wrote in Stop
Playing Safe, it’s important to be able to give a clear and
compelling answer to the question “For the sake of what?” Doing so will help
crystallise for you why you need to exit your comfort zone, make changes and
take the chances toward the ambitions that excite you. Indeed, knowing our Why
is indispensable for over-riding self-doubt as it moves you through fear into
action, fueling confidence as you go.
Grow your grit – Associate
Professor Angela Duckworth explains that “grit” is the passion and
perseverance to stick with your long-term goals. One way you can
cultivate grit is to ensure your goals are personally interesting and
meaningful in the world. As Michelle McQuaid, a positive psychology
expert, says, “When you’re able to connect passion with action it gives you a
sense of purpose and energy that researchers are finding prevents burnout and
promotes resiliency.” Developing daily habits and rituals that help
you stay strong, focused, and resilient is therefore vital to staying the
course over the long haul.
Choose your company – Emotions
are contagious and we cannot help but pick up and be affected by the emotions
of those around us. Self-doubt expert Louisa Jewell cautions that
your social network can either increase or reduce your self-doubt. If
you’re embarking on something new, make sure you’ve got really supportive
people around you who are uplifting you and encouraging you to move forward.
Likewise, avoid or limit your time with naysayers, cynics and ’emotional
vampires’ that pull you down, feed your doubt and suck the life out of
you. Sometimes you have to ‘prune your tree’ of those who you’ve
outgrown.
Cultivate small daily habits to sow
long-term changes – How you do the small things that few
may see create the big long term results everyone wants .
Accordingly BJ Fogg at Stanford University has found that by scaling
back bigger behaviours into really small actions you can create dramatic shifts
that last. His ‘tiny habits’ formula recommends scaling back change to
one very small step; sequencing this step by adding to the end of a habit you
already have – “After I (insert existing routine), I will (insert new routine)”;
and then celebrate your completion of the step with a heartfelt “Awesome!” to
create a jolt of positive emotion that helps the habit stick. Try it.
Set clear boundaries–
Setting boundaries and saying no can be awkward, if not outright uncomfortable.
But doing so will enable you to focus your time on those activities that
nurture self-confidence, fuel courage and keep those doubting gremlins at bay.
Author and productivity coach Valorie Burton recommends taking note of the
areas where you currently feel the most frustrated, stressed or overwhelmed
and being honest with yourself about the conversations you need to have.
It may be that you need to ask someone to stop asking so much of you. Or
it may be you need to say no to some of the offers, invitations and opportunities
that you may previously have taken on. After all, you can’t build
confidence by doing things that neither leverage your strengths nor ‘fill your
tank.’
If
you’re fed up with self-doubt holding you back join me and other leading global
experts for a special free podcast series starting September 29th on the
practical strategies you can implement to help you thrive at work.
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